Secret or Lie || Zhuiyi

chapter 1

Warning: panic attack, nightmares, hurt-comfort, mentions of death.

It had become a usual routine after supper. Jingyi and Sizhui would go to the rabbits and take care of them. They'd usually spend an hour or two there, feeding and petting them, and bonding with each other. 

It had been a few weeks since Sizhui returned to cloud recesses with Wen Ning, and he still hadn't told Jingyi where he was, or who he really was. The entire time he was figuring it out, and knew, he never once told Jingyi. It's not that he didn't trust him, it was because wellㅡ

He loved him.

He was so scared of losing him, even though deep down he knew Jingyi would never do such a thing. 

They had just gotten back from checking on the bunnies, getting ready for bed. They shared a room, their beds across from each other, the dining table in between their beds, a sheet to cover their beds just in case they wanted privacy.

That never happened, they were very open with each other and trusted each other, they were comfortable. 

"Sizhui, I had an idea. Since tomorrow is a free day, I was thinking we go see the bunnies in the morning, then go out to explore?" Jingyi spoke as he took off his clothes, leaving him in his inner layer robe and trousers. 

Sizhui smiled and him and nodded in agreement. "We never go in the morning, it would be a nice change," he spoke, voice soft and kind as always, making Jingyis heart ache with admiration. 

Jingyi knew the two of them were opposites, but that never bothered him, and he knew that that's what bonded them. He could never stop moving or talking, naturally loud, while Sizhui on the other hand is gentle and kind, voice naturally soft and quiet, and is barely squirmy. 

Sizhui got out of his clothes before blowing his candle out and crawling into bed. He got under the covers and closed his eyes, focusing on trying to sleep. 

All he heard was Jingyi squirming though, unable to get comfortable and stay still as always. He smiled to himself as hearing the latter move around soothed him to sleep. 

 
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Sizhui tossed and turned, breathing heavy as he was having a night terror. Jingyi woke up to the sounds of him moving a lot, immediately getting worried. Sizhui never moved this much unlessㅡ

Sizhui shot up and yelped, panting hard as he was sweating, tears going down his cheeks. 

ㅡhe was having another nightmare. 

He'd been having them since he got back, and they've been getting worse and worse. 

Jingyi immediately ran over to him, crawling into the bed and holding his shoulders. 

"Sizhui? Sizhui are you okay?" He asked frantically as he cried, not responding. "I'll go get Hanguang-Jun okay? Stay right here." He spoke as he tried to get up, but Sizhui grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. 

"Don't go, don't leave me alone." Sizhui mumbled lightly, Jingyi barely hearing. 

Jingyis heart ached hard, he hated seeing Sizhui like this, especially since this wasn't him. He had never seen him cry like this, never seen him so vulnerable. And the thing was, Sizhui was never shy about his emotions, so if he needed to cry and Jingyi was around, he did. So Jingyi knew, that this really wasn't him, and that scared him.