To be so lucky {H.S.} ✔️

Chapter 6

*** WARNING ****

***This chapter contains a part about abuse. Please read at your own discretion***

***And stay safe, always <3***

"Have you always known you wanted to do music for a living?"

Harry looked confused. I was supposed to be telling him my story, not the other way around. Still, being the polite gentleman he was, he humoured me.

"Well... From a very young age, yeah."

"That must feel good. I mean, I was never that kid, you know? I never had a clear passion, as you do with music. I went from wanting to be a doctor, to dreaming about being a singer, then back to being a scientist, a dancer, a psychologist... In my late teen years, I thought writing was my thing. I finished a novel and everything, but eventually, as with all my previous career aspirations, I lost interest."

I paused, realising that I wasn't ashamed to admit this. For the longest time, I'd felt out of place. Everyone around me had such clear passions, such clear, defined paths.

Ava with her art.

Mom with her music. Although she never really pursued it, I knew she loved singing, and her voice was truly angelic.

Dad with sports. He'd played football since he was a little kid, even made it to one of the three biggest football clubs in Portugal, before a knee injury crushed his dreams of playing professionally. Still, I could see how his eyes shone with pride, every time he told us stories about those glorious times.

It was not surprising that my lack of passion and dreams, made me feel weird amongst my loved ones. Right now, though, I felt okay with it. I was who I was. No shame in it.

I don't know how long I'd been quiet before Harry interrupted my thoughts.

"I don't think that knowing your passion from such a young age is that common. I was lucky, I know that. There's nothing wrong with not knowing what we want, it's just part of the beautiful process of growing up."

"My mom used to say that exact same thing." I felt my eyes filling with tears, and had to concentrate hard on not letting them spill.

"Used to...?" Harry asked the question in a cautious, loving tone, picking up on my use of the past tense.

"Yeah, I'll get to it in a second." I cleared my throat, refocusing my thoughts. "This, me not knowing where I belonged, lasted until it was time to pick a college, which was one of the reasons I didn't want to go. My parents assured me they would support my decision, whatever it was, but encouraged me to give college a try. Especially my mom. Maybe, just maybe, I would find my passion while navigating the halls of Cornell.

"At the time, there wasn't anything I would rather be doing, so I complied with my parent's wishes. And it was at Cornell that I met Ben.

"I'd made it to the second semester, still unclear about what I was going to do with my life. Ben was in one of my classes, but he sat beside me for a whole month without us ever exchanging more than two words. Jenna, my roommate, was also in that class, and also sat beside me, so I never paid any attention to the guy on my left side. It wasn't like I was ignoring him on purpose, I just... Anyway. I'm rambling. Sorry." I covered my face with my free hand, Harry was still holding the other one. He stayed silent, allowing me to continue.

"One day, right after Spring break, Jenna was feeling a bit under the weather, so she skipped class. I don't know if that's what finally gave Ben the guts to talk to me, I never really asked him.