philophobic || dreamnoblade oneshots.

𝐢 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐠𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐲

prompt: DREAMNOBLADE WEDDING POG
notes: idk how to write weddings so dont judge me the title is a true fact that happened during the making of this oneshot
also i made a poem: violets are blue, roses are red, please for the love of god give me the sweet release of death
--⚔️

"You look great, Techno. It'll be fine," Phil reassured his younger brother, reaching forwards to adjust the red bowtie situated around his neck. 

"And how do you know that?" Techno sighed, a futile attempt to make a joke at his own expense. 

Phil paused at the question, however.

"Well, I don't. Not exactly. But it won't go terribly, either, so-" 

Just as the blond was about to continue, Tommy burst in the doorway, holding a large bouquet of flowers. "Techno, you're supposed to be holding one of these, and also you should get going now if you don't want that green bitchboy to arrive at the altar before you do-" 

"Okay, uh- Do I take the bouquet..?" "I think you're supposed to have a boutonnière, so-" Wilbur gently took one of the rosebuds out of the bouquet and tucked it into the pinkette's shirt pocket, readjusting it as to not look rushed.

"It's a bit tacky, but it'll be fine- hardly anyone'll notice," Wilbur asserted, taking his brother by the shoulders and steering him out the door. 

"It'll be fine,"

...

Meanwhile, Dream was freaking out. 

"Okay, okay, but what if he decides that he'd rather not marry me and just runs off or something?" 

"Are you stupid, Dream? Have you seen the way that royal pig looks at you?" Sapnap groaned in exasperation, completely fed up with his friend's unobservant nature. 

"Honestly, agreed. I've caught the both of you staring at each other far too many times," George said, pinning back the blond's messy hair with a white rose. 

"..Really?" "Yes, really." George hummed as he readjusted the freckled male's tuxedo, Sapnap throwing a small veil over at Dream. "You can't possibly expect me to wear this, idiot." "Why not?" The younger male smirked at his friend, twirling a white flower crown around his finger. 

"Well, it really depends on what you want, but Techno would probably like it on you~," Sapnap purred from the corner. George rolled his eyes at the younger male's attempt to persuade their best friend, holding back a small grin. 

"..Gimme it." 

"Wait, actually?"

"Shut up, Snapchat-" 

"FUCK YOU!" "EXCUSE ME-" "BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP, I'M TRYING TO DO DREAM'S HAIR! YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO BE LATE!"

...

Techno stood nervously at the end of the aisle, shuffling his feet in an anxious manner, despite Wilbur's reassurances. Phil was standing behind the pedestal, quietly scanning over the notes he had brought with him.

Both Techno and Dream had decided that they'd wanted someone close to them to be the marriage officiant, and seeing that Phil and Bad were the only ones fit for the job, and the fact that Bad was to walk the blond down the aisle, well.. the choice was obvious.

"Techno, he loves you. Have you seen the way that green pri- I mean, have you seen the way Dream looks at you?" 

The pinkette didn't answer his brother's question, instead fiddling with the boutonnière tucked inside his front pocket. 

"I just- this whole wedding thing- it's not really helping with.." He trailed off at the end, but Wilbur knew what he was referring to. 

"It's okay to be anxious, Tech. It happens to the best of us. I mean, c'mon! Did you see what happened during MCC?" 

That comment coaxed a light laugh out of the pinkette at his brother's expense. 

"Simp." 

Wilbur gave an exaggerated look of offense, mock-recoiling at the comment. "That hurt me, Techno. I can't believe you'd say that to your own brother! Your own flesh and blood," Wilbur monologued, his face stuck in a pensive expression.

To this, Techno flipped the brunette off, trying to hold in a laugh. "See, you'll be fine." Phil chimed in from the front of the aisle, having finished going over the wedding procedures. 

"If you're sure,"

"Of course I am. Now get ready, it's about to start." 

The music kicked in first, the tinkling of the piano and long, drawn out notes of the violins making for a sweet, harmonic melody.

And then the procession started.

First, Dream's mother walked down the aisle, taking her spot behind where the masked idiot Techno was marrying was to stand. Then, it was his turn to proceed.

He didn't remember much of the walking part, mostly that Wilbur was walking along with him and honestly more dragging him down the aisle. Really, he just didn't want to mess up and make a fool of himself. When they reached the altar, Techno heard himself give an audible sigh of relief.

The groomsmen all filed in, everyone dressed in flattering colours of black and white suits, green and red flowers tucked into their hair or their pockets.

George came in next, his EnChroma goggles perched on top of his head. He gave Techno a slight smile as he took his place next to where Dream was to stand.

Sapnap and Tommy then entered, the younger boy clutching onto the red pillow in his hands tightly as the bandanna wearing male tossed petals into the audience.

Then, Bad and Dream walked in. His Dream. His boyf- no, no. His fiancé and soon to be husband was walking down the red, carpeted aisle; and oh god oh fuck they were getting married, this was the man he was going to spend the rest of his life with.

Techno didn't really recall much of Phil's speech, really. It was mostly spent with both him and Dream just staring into each other's eyes, savouring the moment.

However, he snapped back to attention when he heard Phil say that line.

"..Now, Techno, do you take Dream Somnium Taken to be your lawfully wedded husband?" "Yes." "And you, Dream. Do you take Technoblade Majestas Regia to be your lawfully wedded husband?" "Yes."

Phil gave both of them a warm smile, then beckoned for Tommy to present the rings. "I now pronounce you, man and husband. You may now kiss the groom." At those words, both of them threw their arms around each others waists, clutching each other close as they kissed.

"I love you."

--⚔️
yeah yeah it was anticlimatic but ive been working on this since what, 7 in the morning? dont judge me lmao i wanted to get this out