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chapter eight

As soon as Anakin began his training, the Jedi order had told him one thing: let go.

Let go of your past, let go of your connections, let go of anything that made you more of a man than a Jedi. But... Anakin never understood why he had to. For him, those things brought him peace. Gave him a reason to wake up and train everyday. When he was out, helping those in need, or meditating, or even doing the simple mundane tasks of life, he was doing it for them. Simply put, Anakin didn't want to. Why give up the things that made him a good Jedi? It seemed counterintuitive.

But, he knew if he didn't, the council would know. He didn't know how, but they could feel when he was thinking about them. More specifically, her. And every time he did, his superiors reminded him of the words he began to loathe more and more with each passing day.

"Let go, Anakin."

So, he slowly started to follow their directions, pushing thoughts of her aside in the face of his superiors, and filling his head with dutiful thoughts that wouldn't get him in trouble. But as soon as he was alone, he found himself recalling everything about the women he loved so dearly. His mother's smell, the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled, her worn hands from all the labour she endured just to care for him... he missed it all. A selfish part of him resented Qui-Gon Jin for taking him so young, but the greater part of him thanked him for it. Anakin intended to make good on his promise. When he was able, when he was finally ready, he was going to free his mother and...

Ryha.

Anakin hated to admit it, but thinking about her hurt. It was a different type of pain than he had ever felt. The pain of an artist who'd lost his muse; the pain of a love lost. Most of the time, he was in control enough to push the thoughts of her aside, and focus on something else. But as soon as his eyes shut and he slipped into a peaceful slumber... there she was.

He didn't think he'd ever had a night where he didn't dream of her.  Ever since the night he left, she'd been there.  Anakin didn't know how to describe it, but it was like he was catching little glimpses of her life back on Tatooine.  He didn't understand it, but he was grateful.  He watched as his little Ryha grew into the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

Ryha was no longer the child he once knew.  She was a tall, stunning young woman with large eyes and striking cheekbones.  Her hair had grown longer and her dark skin seemed to glow under the Tatooine suns.  He was enamoured at the sight.  But the dreams were always just mere glimpses before he woke up, feeling empty once again.

The dreams never gave him much.  Mostly just flashes of her doing some chores, or sometimes just her sitting and thinking.  He tried calling out for her, tried touching her, tried anything, but it was to no avail.  The dreams were nothing more than a window into his Ryha's life without him, and he couldn't tell if he was grateful or filled to the brim with spite.

He should be there, with her.  Not being told that he couldn't even think of her. Even after all these years, Anakin missed her like he left yesterday. He wondered if she thought of him, too.

Of course she did.

Ryha had felt empty ever since Anakin had left. Granted, things did improve after he left, but if she had to choose between her current situation as a free woman, or a slave with Anakin there with her, she wouldn't even hesitate. If only Anakin could see her now. She was free. Something she'd always dreamed of, something she never thought would ever happen without Anakin there, if she were being honest. But the stars were on her side, and she hoped that that's where they'd stay. That way, maybe she'd get him back. She couldn't wait to tell him everything he'd missed while he was away training to become a Jedi.

The very notion of Anakin becoming a real Jedi was enough to bring a smile to her face, no matter what she was doing, or where she was. When the other kids would ask her where Anakin was, and if he was alright, she always told them the truth. That Anakin had been freed, and that he was taken to become the greatest Jedi who ever lived. As expected, each child had a million and one questions about when he was coming home, or when he would became a Jedi Knight.  To those, Ryha's reply was always the same: "Whenever he's ready."

However, there was a part of her that believed that he would never be ready.  That life away from Tatooine — away from her — was better.  That he enjoyed it more than he could have ever imagined.  That maybe he'd done the right thing and forgotten about them all.  That same part of her wished it to be true.  But every time those thoughts weaselled their way into her pretty little head, they were immediately pushed away by her remembrance of their love for one another.  Something that would make his eventual homecoming even more painful. 

She knew that she could never have him in the way that she used to.  That she could never have more than a few days a light year with him — if that.  She knew that he had an oath to the Republic. 

And for that, she hated them.

But nevertheless, she carried on.  She lived in peace with the only woman she ever viewed as a mother, and her new family.  They were kind, and she found herself feeling content on the moisture farm.  She kept to herself most of the time, but enjoyed the moments she spent with Shmi and Anakin's beloved C-3PO.  She lived a good life, but an empty one.

"You're thinking about him again, aren't you?" Shmi asked as they went about their morning task of picking the mushrooms from the moisture vaporators.

"How'd you know?" Ryha asked, her soft voice ringing like a chime across the silent morning sky.

"You've got that look on your face again," her mother chuckled.  "Like you're a billion lightyears away.  Not to mention you've had a hand on your necklace for three minutes now."

Ryha looked down at her prized possession and noticed her tight grip, letting go immediately.

"Sorry..." she blushed, returning to the task at hand.  "It's just... the hardest part is the—"

"Not knowing?" Shmi smiled sympathetically, earning a nod from the young woman.  "I understand."

"I just... I wish that I could see him again..." she confessed.

"And you will," Shmi promised with a reassuring smile. "He'll come home to us. I can feel it."

n// sorry that this is so short!! i just wanted y'all to get a feel for where they're both at without each other :) thank you for reading and hope u enjoyed!