Words Left Unsaid

Moon Young watched Gang Tae drive off to work from the driveway of the mansion, cherishing the fact that they were able to finish that conversation with a smile and not their usual disastrous interactions. In fact, ever since last night, when Gang Tae had helped Moon Young cut her leash that tied her to her abusive mother's memories — namely, her long hair — she felt that the two of them had reached a semi-truce.

Last night, he had smiled at her for the first time after giving her a haircut, and called her pretty. She had smiled back, tears in her eyes. It wasn't lost on her that it was the first time she had genuinely smiled in a really, really long time.

When his car was out of sight, she turned back to the view of the coast, enjoying the way the breeze ran through her now short hair. It didn't really matter what other people thought of her hair — she felt pretty, because she felt reborn, like a burden she had been carrying for a long time had disappeared. The weight was, quite literally, off her shoulders. She hoped that cutting this leash meant her mother would haunt her less.

She went back inside to find Sang Tae waiting for her in the study to start working. Moon Young was still struggling to think of any ideas, so they ended up spending the morning sorting through her old toys in the brothers' room, throwing away the toys that were in really bad shape and wiping the dust off the toys that Sang Tae liked and wanted to keep.

Around midday, she was in the kitchen looking for food when she heard Sang Tae walk down the stairs. She went to the foyer to ask him what he wanted to eat, but it looked like he was getting ready to head out, his shoes on, bag slung across his body.

"Where are you going, oppa?" she asked, smiling as she pulled at the cute dinosaur keychain attached to his bag. "Can I tag along?"

"Gang Tae called. I have a shift at the pizza place later today, but before that I'm having lunch with Gang Tae," Sang Tae replied.

Moon Young's smile faded. After last night and this morning, she thought she and Gang Tae were making some progress in their... friendship, or whatever it was. At least he wasn't looking at her anymore as if she were poison. He knew she was home with Sang Tae, but had not invited her to join them for lunch. She was clearly not welcome.

Sang Tae's words were simple and unassuming, but they hurt Moon Young so deeply that she was shocked at her own reaction. Gang Tae was an annoyingly polite guy, surely he could have just asked her to join them for lunch out of his usual sense of courtesy? Was she that unbearable?

This was always the way with her life. I should be used to it by now, she thought. Except Sang Tae, whose company she genuinely enjoyed, Moon Young hadn't had much success so far with having people in her life who liked hanging out with her. She didn't have any friends. The only person who had stuck around for so long was her agent Lee Sang In, but why wouldn't he, after all the money she made him?

Because of the obvious absence of people in her life who cared about her, she didn't trust that she, as a person, would ever be able to receive anyone's love or affection. So she always resorted to manipulations and other tactics to get what she wanted. She wanted to hang out with Gang Tae and Sang Tae, and so she had devised a plan to make Sang Tae her exclusive illustrator and move in with her. She remembered the night Gang Tae first came to the cursed castle and how angry and shuttered he was. Over time, his anger had subsided and they had gotten into a little routine of having breakfast together and sometimes talking after he came back from work. He had even given her Mang Tae, a little nightmare-catching doll he had made for Sang Tae many years ago. She cherished Mang Tae like the doll was made of spun gold, the first gift Gang Tae had given her, no matter that it was an ugly doll that was a hand-me-down with uneven stitching. He had given it to her, and she would treasure it forever.

Moon Gang Tae's warmth was like a sandstorm settling in her palm. When he smiled at her, or touched her, it was like a gush of sand engulfed her, she was unable to breathe and struggling to stay standing. She tried to grab on to every particle of sand but somehow, no matter how hard she tried, no matter how many times she clutched her hands into fists, the sand always escaped.

She was so confused with his actions and behaviour towards her. At times he came to her rescue in such a dramatic and magnanimous way that if it was anyone else she'd think he was a knight in shining armour wanting to win the favours of a damsel in distress. But except those few times, every other time his reaction to her was quite the opposite. He was aloof, indifferent, blowing off any suggestions from her to do things together, looking away when she looked at him every time she felt him staring at her.

Now that she had been the recipient of his warmth, no matter that it was only a handful of times, she was afraid, so afraid of losing him. Now that she had made him move into the cursed castle, she had no idea what to do to make him like her. She was afraid that if she tried opening up to him, it would only push him away. She was pretty, yes, and she had money, but that was all there was to her. Her looks and money were her only assets. He was right that she was an empty can, in the sense that there was nothing inside of her that would make other people love her. Nothing that would incite someone's affection. Even her own mother and father hadn't found her worthy of their time. Her mother had treated her like an object, and her father had ignored her for most of her life, and even attempted to hurt her.

Given her track record with people she wanted love from, she was fairly certain that trying to get anything more from Gang Tae would end in disaster. When she first met him, she had thought there was lust — lust, she could work with — but she wasn't sure of that anymore either. Not after making so many advances and getting rejected.

"Do you want to come?" Sang Tae asked, interrupting her thoughts.

Moon Young smiled faintly, trying to mask the hurt and disappointment that she felt at being left out, from such a simple thing as Gang Tae's lunch break. How much time could he possibly have for his lunch break? Half an hour, maybe an hour? Was it so difficult to even spend such a short amount of time with her while he ate?

"No, that's okay, oppa," she said. "I just remembered I have plans."

"OK, see you," Sang Tae said, heading out.

Moon Young felt the sound of the door closing echo through the house. Here she was again, alone with her thoughts. It has been this way for so long that she was used to it, but today for some reason she felt suffocated by the silence, a deep sadness settling in her bones that she needed to shake off before it engulfed her.

Breathe in, breathe out, she told herself as she followed her own instructions. It was only midday - she couldn't, she wouldn't, succumb to this feeling so easily today. She had woken up so happy after cutting off her leash. She needed to leave the house immediately. Perhaps a change of scenery would do her well. Maybe she would go for a drive.

She decided then and there that she wouldn't push Gang Tae's buttons any further. She had got what she wanted — him and Sang Tae lived with her now. She could see them on a daily basis, except for weekends when they would go back to the Nam Joo Ri's house. She would rather keep her relationship with Gang Tae in its current form, of amiable housemates, than try to find a more meaningful connection and risk him getting annoyed with her and leaving her.