Awaiting Your Response

Is This It?

The library.

Where Ash spent his final moments.

Where he decided to let everything go.

Where he finally found peace.

Sing dropped me off at the entrance and had to leave to go take care of gang business. I stare up at the building and it looks more intimidating than I remember. I head up the stairs and go inside. I take my time to look around, picking out some of the books Ash liked to read and finding a seat in the reading room. It's the same seat Ash was in when I found him here after our little argument.

Hours pass by while I'm absorbed in the books. I know why Ash loved this place so much, time seems to stop. The quiet atmosphere, the smell of the books, the light shining in and casting shadows across the room, everything is so calming. I check the time and realize that I should probably get something to eat, my flight back to Japan is tomorrow morning and I'd rather not be sick from an empty stomach. 

I get up and put the books away before walking out of the library, I see the food stand that Ash took me to when we were here. He had me try a hot dog and it was... not good to say the least. I debate getting one in memory of him but decide against it. I settle for something else and sit on a bench outside the library.

Ash.

I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you needed me most.

I wish I could have given you the letter in person. 

I could have tried to convince you to come with me.

Would you still be here if things had been different?

I know you did what you thought you had to for my safety, but I'd rather spend my whole life in fear with you, than a safe life without you.

If I had another chance to start over, I wouldn't change a thing.

Meeting you was the best thing to happen in my life.

I'd like to believe I was the best in yours.

Ash.

I finish eating and stand up. I start heading back to Chang Dai again to say goodbye to Nadia and Sing. As I'm walking I hear someone run up to me.

"You're Ash's little foreign friend right?" The man practically scowls at me. I have no idea who he is.

"I was yes, who-" something pushes me backward and I look down to see the man holding a knife. It's red. I look down at myself. There's a red stain spreading across my shirt too. Oh, ouch. It feels warm. I look up to see the man running away. Who was he? I press against the dark spot with my hand, and when I pull it away it's covered in blood. That's not good. My head spins. I should sit down. 

I head up the stairs into the library and make my way to the reading room. I sit in the spot I did when I met Ash here. The same spot where Ash.... 

There aren't many people here today which is nice. I set my head down on the table and let my mind wander. 

Ash, I get it now. 

It's better this way. 

Away from all the fighting.

Away from all the anger.

Away from all the fear.

Free from the gangs and the guns and the drugs.

The library is nice, it's cold though.

It wasn't this cold earlier.

It hurts.

Ash, I know now.

I know what you went through for me.

I know how much you cared for me.

I know how much you gave up for me.

I'm tired.

The sunlight is casting a warm glow over me but it's still so cold.

Ash, it's ok now.

No more worrying about me.

No more worrying about protecting others.

No more worrying about what the next day brings. 

It's getting warmer again, this is nice. 

The pain is fading. 

Everything feels numb.

Sayonara America.

Sayonara New York.

Sayonara... everything.

Ash, you are my best friend.

Ash,

My soul is always with you.

I knew we'd see each other again someday.

Ash...