Do you ever have your heart set on doing something only to have second thoughts? It's weird. You think it's what you want but you become afraid of the change that thing will bring
Change is it's own topic. It's something that I love but also despise. When things just stay the same forever you get bored of it and want to try something new but at the same time change is something to be feared because most of the time that change is forien.
What can't I just choose? I want to do this. Right? I want to persue my dreamsbut I'm afraid. I think I am anyway.
What If I don't end up wanting this and leave all my friends for nothing? What if I don't just leave them but lose them? What if they forget about me? What if I can't make new ones? What if I'm alone?
We make promises that I don't think any of us are sure we can keep. Hell I'm not even sure if I will. We promise to never forget each other. We promise to keep in contact. We promise to remain best friends no matter what.
But what if they are all just empty? What if those promises mean nothing? What if I mean nothing to them. What if I've never meant anything to them.
I thought I wanted this but I don't know anymore. What if I just end up regretting it? Moving schools isn't always something you can just back out of. Saying that it's just a matter of changing schools makes it seem stupid to worry about. Could have been moving countries but no. Just a simple school change into a performing arts school so I can persue a career in drama.
So stupid.
12th of September, 2020
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Vents
RandomJust me venting. If you get triggered by things as a general whole I probably wouldn't read a venting book as it most likely will include triggers. Decided to write this because I've been feeling like shit recently and maybe sharing my thoughts migh...
