Lovers of Freedom

Chapter 5 Lies and deceit

It had been four days since Tom told me he loved me. The weather was warm and back to be alone. Lui had returned home. I mean I had only caught him touching himself once, and that was the sign he had to go back home to his privacy.

The doorbell rung. I was just waking up and my hair was a mess. I had been drinking by myself the night before and I think I was becoming an alcoholic. The past days had been me ignoring the Houben brothers and dating nobody. I had partied a lot and had had a few flings with strangers but nothing more.

I took a week off work and my plan was to travel to see my brother in Oxford. My brother was a university professor and he, his wife and children lived there. The apartment was a mess. My life felt like a mess but at least work was fine. My boss loved me and I enjoyed doing paperwork and release forms.

I walked towards the door and opened. In the background I had Jack Johnson on. I was trying to set myself in a nice mood before taking my train to Oxford. I had packed everything and...the words came back to my mind: I love you

"Annie."said Matt. I smiled at him and let him in. "You don't look okay, are you okay?" he asked.

"Just...come in, sit in the living room while I change." I said and I returned to my room. I went straight to the bathroom and washed my teeth, I then washed myself a little bit and put a little bit of BB cream on my face, and changed my clothes. I looked more alive and ...knock knock."I'll be out in a bit." I said. I smiled at the mirror and went out. Matt was in front of me, he kissed me and I pulled him away confused.

"I guess its true then."He said, I looked at him more confused. "That you are Tom's girlfriend...is that why you haven't texted or called me back?" "I could've understood. You have a long history together after all." he said. I shook my head.

"Who told you that?"

"I heard from your friends. Before you disappeared ."

"Things are not as simple as that..."I said. I sat on the bed. "I'm so tired, if you came to give me shit, you can leave...I can't think of you or Tom at the moment, I'm going through some shit..." I said. I mean was I depressed? I didn't know what the fuck was wrong with me. All started when Tom told me that he loved me and I...I felt lost.

"Look. I said I was going to wait but...I just don't understand? Do you even like me or was it just some sort of game between Tom and you?" Matt asked. I shook my head.

"You and me was real...I just...I don't know Matt. I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want to date you or your brother. I just want to be free." I said.

"You know, for the past few weeks or so that we've known each other I feel I really got to know you and I think you really crave something more intimate. You're not a player. You're not like Tom. I know Tom and he is only capable to break everything he touches and I don't want him to break you."

"You don't know me." I said. I looked straight to his eyes. "How are you any better for me than him...what if I tell you that I love him..." Matt got serious and grabbed my shoulders.

"He is not capable of loving anybody but himself Annie. Also, he has a real girlfriend." he said. I was confused, a real girlfriend? I mean had been ignoring him for days but didn't know he had a girlfriend. I mean not that I wanted to be dating him anyways.

You know something I am a fucking adult and I am not taking this like a child...maybe...maybe I had to ask Tom myself. Maybe stop being a chicken. Admit my feelings and dive in.

"Her name is Loreane." said Matt and showed me a picture of Tom's instagram with some random girl. I looked at the picture. I had no words. She kid of looked like me but European and blonde. "He is not in love with you Annie. He has done the same thing s million times. She is Masseik but he wants a girl in England. That's why he looked for you. That's why he didn't ask you out earlier...not until you were completely crazy for him..." he said.