Two Pieces of a Puzzle ✔

Chapter Five

ELIOTT

Whilst waiting for a response from someone, anyone; I ended up falling asleep. 

My alarm didn't wake me up, neither did Toby. I did wake up somewhere around ten in the morning, but I forced myself to go back to sleep for I knew there wouldn't be a single response and I didn't have the courage to face that. 

Ten years, two months, two weeks and three days.

That's how long it had been since I had last seen Eric. Since I had last held him in my arms and told him how much I loved him or how much he truly meant to me. 

I couldn't tell how many hours, minutes or seconds it had been because I hadn't started counting until a day after - when I was sure I would eventually see him again.

Oh, I was so wrong. So, so wrong.

I thought about what Toby had said just before I shut my eyes, "You've started saying his name and you're using past tense when you talk about him. You're moving on."

Am I really?

Even if it were in past tense, he was still there. 

And he always will be. 

Maybe not a physical body. But he will always be in my heart. If not there, then he will remain at the back of my mind. 

Always and forever.

I shut my eyes and in came floating another distant memory. 

"You write so well!" Eric commented, handing my journal back to me. "You describe pain and love so vividly."

That's because I loved you all along, you fool. 

And it brought pain, so much of it, along the way.

"People can only describe things they've felt," I responded, not daring to meet his eyes. "I guess you could say I've felt too much pain and too much love all at once."

"Because of whom?"

"It doesn't matter."

Why couldn't I have told him right then and there? Why couldn't I have confessed sooner? Would that have changed things? Would he still be here with me then?

It was him. It was always him. It will always be him. 

He made me feel so much yet so little all at once, and I wanted so badly for it to stop yet continue at the same time. I wanted him to leave yet stay with me and never let go at the same time. I wanted to hold him in my arms and kiss him all over but never look him in the eye or utter a word to him ever again at the same time. 

It was a war between the two halves of my mind. 

It was a war between my heart and my brain. 

It was a war between the angel and the devil on my shoulder.

It was a war.

And war always brings destruction. 

He had destroyed me; but at the same time, I had destroyed myself. I had given him the permission to destroy me; inch by inch, piece by piece, part by part. I simply sat and watched as he took me apart and put me back together just to shatter me into a million pieces once more. I sat and watched without a single word of complaint.

That was because I loved him.

And he loved me.

Only, we'd told each other too late. 

Lord, only if I had another day - another hour, another minute, another second even with him. 

I'd give him the biggest hug, hold him in my arms for hours on end, tell him just how much he meant to me, tell him how much I missed him and how much I longed for him to be in my arms again; and tell him how much I loved him. 

Only, I could no longer do that. 

All that was left of him now was a distant memory; and the memories were fading as well. 

Soon enough, there would be nothing left. 

The only reminder I would have of him would be the moon. 

Then again, I would have to leave the world someday; would that mean I'd be leaving him - the moon - behind for the second time? 

And all of a sudden, my phone vibrated. 

I didn't let my hopes get too high, considering what had happened last time. 

I glanced at the notification on my screen with a heavy heart. 

And then my heart stopped.

My mind went into a state of panic. 

Nothing seemed to make sense at that moment. 

Time froze. 

My hands let go of the phone and it went crashing onto the floor; the sound elicited from said action was enough to prove that the screen had cracked upon meeting with the floor. 

But, I couldn't care less in that moment.