Infinity || OT5

h.s.

//harry//

Zayn didn't usually come out until well into the night. It was usually after he was a little buzzed, too much energy coursing in his veins to allow him to pass out like Louis. Harry didn't mind the company though, not at all. In fact, he liked the time he got to spend with Zayn, even if it was only was his mate was little inebriated.

"What's that one?" Zayn asked, hand behind his head as he and Harry lay on the lush green grass.

"Orion," Harry replied.

"Pretty."

"Yeah."

Zayn stayed quiet for a few minutes, leaving Harry to wonder if he had passed out again. But soon enough he quipped, "So many stars."

"Mmmhmm." Harry said, still gazing at the beautifully lit night sky.

"How many nights do you think it would take to count all of them?"

Harry smiled, "A lot."

"Yeah? Like how many?"

Harry nodded, "Like, infinity."

Zayn smirked, "Infinity?"

"Yeah, Malik. Infinity. You could never count all of them."

"Huh.You would think scientists would have already figured it out."

"Maybe they did and they're just not telling us."

"What a scandal." Zayn said, a smile spread out onto his face for the first time that night.

Harry watched as Zayn tried counting the stars before them and tried not to chuckle. He had seen him struggle so much the past few months, he didn't want to see his smile falter anymore. If only it could be for a couple of hours every odd night, Harry wanted Zayn to feel as if he belonged there, among the stillness of the trees and the beauty of the stars. He deserved that.

As he turned to mumble something to his friend, Harry saw that Zayn had fallen into a quiet slumber. He didn't bother waking him up, just laid there beside him.

"One day I'll find out how many stars there are." Harry whispered confidently, "I'll name the last one I find after you, mate."

///

I don't think I could remember him in any other way. I just want to think of him when he was happy, or at peace. When he was laughing, or drawing, or counting the stars. I wish I could tell him that I figured out you can never count how many stars there, at least not one by one. But every night I spend wondering if he's okay I think back to that conversation and think that maybe it's better that way. Counting how many stars there are would just make me think about how many nights we've spent apart, and how many nights we've all wished he had stayed. Infinity sounded silly then, but that's what it has been since he has left.

I hope he found what he was looking for, and I hope he knows that he still has a place here with us. I know Louis thinks that he hates Zayn, but he doesn't, he's just angry. Just as Niall is sad, and Liam is disappointed. We're all allowed to feel, to grieve. We lost one of our own, and it's tougher than a death because he decided to leave us. But I try to remember that he chose himself over everyone else, and I don't think we can fault him for that. That was probably one of the hardest choices he'd ever have to make. Zayn deserved to be happy, I hope he finally is.

And mate? If I ever count to infinity, I'll still name the last star after you.