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chapter four ☁︎ -', impossible ꒱ ↷💚 OCTOBER, 2017
SPENCER TRIES TO REMIND himself that recovery isn't linear.
Because it isn't; there's foothills and mountains that cover the road to the end, filled with dips and rises, and for some reason it feels like he's been taking a steep ride down the side of a canyon lately. Everything feels just a little bit harder, and it definitely doesn't help when he has his first day back in the office - where it takes him seven hours to do the paperwork that he could usually do in three.
Spencer's a simple man. He likes work, he likes getting coffee and eating takeout, but most of all, he enjoyed being the smartest person in the room. Now it kind of felt like he was just another person, soon to be washed away because of something he couldn't understand. Kind of like an eclipse, there was something blocking his mind from working, like a giant hazy cloud that he couldn't whisk away no matter what.
"You good?" Luke asks him when they're about to leave - with no case and a lot of paperwork done, their day at the office was a nice break from the back to back cases they've had lately. It kind of made Spencer miss his freedom when he wasn't with the BAU; the Friday nights spent by himself and the road trips on Wednesday afternoons were long gone, fading in the rearview mirror now.
"Yeah," Spencer breathes, looking across the room. It's empty except for the last few members of the team and a few interns milling about, trying to look busy in hopes of promotions. "Just tired."
Luke hums and nods, rubbing his hands together. He's perched on the edge of Spencer's desk, looking at him expectantly and he can't help but squirm under his gaze. "So what's the move for tonight?"
"My bed and movies," Spencer deadpans, closing his file and shoving it into the cabinet under his desk. All of his attempts to be more tidy have proved to be futile - shown by the array of pens and papers and books covering the desktop.
The man on the desk shakes his head, tapping his fingers against the wood. "You know, I just can't accept that." Spencer furrows his eyebrows. "We're all going to get dinner at Tony's."
"That dive bar downtown?"
Luke nods, "So will you come with us?"
"No," Spencer shakes his head. "I think I'm just gonna go home."
"Really? No plans on a Friday night?"
Spencer simply shrugs, biting his lip. A couple weeks ago before he started back, that answer was solidified before the question was even asked - on the road again. He wonders if Penelope had told the rest of them about how he liked to drive all the way up and out of state just to get away from his thoughts, like they were left on the interstate and he would pick them up on his way back.
