Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
chapter five ☁︎ -', just a little bit ꒱ ↷💚 OCTOBER, 2017
IT'S NOT THAT RYAN doesn't want to go to Penelope's Halloween party - in fact she wants to go. She's not scared that she's gonna see Spencer because part of her wants to talk to him again, and she's not even nervous about talking to him, really, because Spencer kind of feels like home, even if she's been on a really long conversation from him.
But then she thinks of everyone that's going to be there. Tara, Luke, Emily, JJ, Rossi - and god forbid if Derek shows up. Ryan doesn't really know how she's going to react when ghosts from the past start popping up again, because she wants to accept them with open arms and relive the moments that make her feel alive. It just feels a lot harder when all of them remind her of the scars hidden on her skin, of the pain she endured and everything she's worked past.
And Ryan knows she hasn't been the best at recovering. Never good with conflict, really. She can remember back to when Spencer told her he liked her and her first response was to immediately run away, and when anything got tense, her flight instinct kicked in immediately. So when she puts on her costume and walks straight into Penelope's party that night, Indra by her side - Ryan feels a lot better about her progress in that moment. Because she's doing it; improving, working past the boundaries and breaking down walls she's built, and it feels pretty damn good.
"You made it!" Penelope shouts it from across the room, shuffling to the pair in her heels with a bright grin across her face. "I didn't think you - but you, you're here!" She picks up a strand of Ryan's hair that's been sprayed to be blue. "And you're-"
"The Corpse Bride," Ryan says, bringing the woman in for a hug. "But kind of modern, I don't know? And of course I made it, Pen."
"Well, you know I would love to stay and chat but me and Luke and Tara are playing beer pong and we kind of really need a third, so," she bites her lip, looking over to the girl with hopeful eyes.
"I'm not drinking," Ryan shakes her head. "But Indra - he loves beer pong."
Indra gives her a look of loathing before he's pulled off to the table across the small venue. Between the money they get paid at the FBI and having Rossi around, Penelope's always able to throw her Halloween bash in nice little holes in the walls of DC, inviting people she barely knows along with her bestest friends; it creates a strange feeling in Ryan when she walks to see women she recognizes from the front desks of the Bureau, dancing to shitty pop and drinking like absolute monsters.
But it's nice for Ryan to remind herself that everyone's normal, too. And at some point she starts to roam, sipping in and out of bodies dancing and talking, just listening and observing. At some point she settles in at a spot against a window, looking out and into the night sky.
"You know, I almost didn't recognize you." The voice comes from behind her, and Ryan turns at lightning speed, hair whipping to face the man in the chair. "Blue hair, white dress - Ryan?"
