Great Loss (a hotchniss story)

contemplate (hotch's POV)

After my alcohol incident, I decided to take a week off for Jack. The team understands why, they all witnessed me unconscious, even Jack.

"What the hell Aaron? Why didn't you call me? My nephew saw you on the floor, not moving," Jessica yelled. She was furious. "Why did I have to find out about this from your team and not you? You may be the father but I'm also family. For Haley."

"I know, I'm sorry. But please lower your voice. Jack's in the other room," I whisper.

Jessica looks shocked. "Lower my voice Aaron? Lower my damn voice? Do you not realize how Jack would've thought you were dead? Do you not imagine how he thought he lost both his parents?"

I sigh. "I know, it was a big mistake. And I'll never do  it. I'm sorry I didn't call you."

We sit down on the couch. "I'm sorry for lashing out," Jessica says. "It's just that I can't imagine what Jack went through when he saw you on the floor. He can't lose you." She pauses and realizes. "This is about Emily?"

"Yes, she left me for London. But the night before we had a big argument. With me and half of the team," I explain. "She left too early because of me."

"I'm sorry about that. But you're a father Aaron. You have to think about Jack too and not yourself," Jessica replies. "I think I should go, just let me know if you want me to take care of Jack."

"Thank you Jessica. Have a good day," I say as she walks through the door.

The rest of the week, it's just Jack and I. We go out to eat, we go to the park, we go wherever he wants. I needed to make it up to him.

"Jack, I'm sorry you had to see me like that." I say, as we're eating ice cream in the middle of the park. The park where I kissed Emily.

"It's okay Daddy," he looks at me while I frown. "What's wrong? Is the ice cream not yummy?"

I chuckle. "It's yummy but I'm just thinking about Emily. We talked here before she left."

Jack looks up from his ice cream. "I miss Emmy."

"I do too Bud. I do too." I say.

It's two days before I get back to work. I hear a knock at the door as I'm cooking lunch. I open it, it's JJ and Henry. "Hey JJ, hey Henry, go to Jack's room, he's just playing before lunch." He runs down the hallway. "Would you like pasta or a drink JJ? And I'm making a grilled cheese for Jack, would Henry want one too?"

"Sure to both!" I nod and she continues to talk. "Sorry to bother you Hotch but I just wanted to ask how you were doing," JJ says, as she takes off her coat.

I look up at her. "I'm doing fine." She starts to fidget. "Is this the only reason why you're here JJ?" I ask.

"Um no? Are you sure you're okay? Especially about Emily?" she says. "How do you feel?"

I bring two plates of pasta and soda to the dining table. And I set two grilled cheese sandwiches on the table in front of the TV. "Boys your lunch is ready." I yell out. They run as they begin munching on their food while watching cartoons.

I sit at my seat in front of JJ. She's already eating. "To answer your question, I'm doing fine. And with Emily, she's gone JJ. I can't bring her back and she has all the reasons not to come back. I just have to move on at this point," I explain.

But to be fair, I always thought of Emily. The letter. I've started dreaming about the day we meet again. But she hates me right now. For what I said. I regret it so much.

JJ takes my hand and makes eye contact with me.
"Aaron, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm part of the reason why Emily left so early. I could have prevented this." She begins to tear up. "You know what she told me in my letter? She said that I shouldn't beat myself down. But I am. Will left and I drove Emily away."