Only Alone

School..

           Theres a loud noise and I recognize it as my alarm clock but it sounds so far away. I hear all the noises of my daily morning routine but the noise I miss the most is her laugh. I contemplate whether I should get up or not but in the end I just decide to get up because I dont want to lay here thinking about her.

            Its a crappy morning like every other morning and the weather hasn't been much of a help to try to lighten up the mood. I jump into the shower then throw on my black hoodie with dark jeans and my black converse. I line my eyes thick with black eyeliner because for some reason the morning after staying up all night on that blue bench makes me feel like wearing all black, happenes alot.

            I walk into the big burgundy building surrounded by mindless teens called school. Everyone acts like nothing bad ever happened on these steps of school. They laugh and smile on the steps of the school like the situation never happened. Why? Don't these people understand that she was apart of this school too. She was the one who kept this place alive and bearable.

             These people I call peers have no hearts at all. They just live the days on like nothing ever happened and they live the days happy in fact. They disgust me.

               My day goes on while I think about the past year. Because its been a year. I can't believe I have survived a year without her.

               "Hey Melanie," my friend Calvin called out to me. I adore him but I was really not in the mood to talk right now. Well I'm never in the mood to talk to anyone but especially today.

           "Melanie!! Hey wait up." Calvin says as he rushes to my side.

"Hey, sorry didn't hear you," I lied.

"I was wondering if you want to go to the coffee shop today, when I get out of practice?" He asked. He scrached the back of his neck like he is feeling a bit awkward. Its nothing new I know he always feels awkward around me now since the whole situation. But its nice of him to try to still be here for me even though I'm always pushing him away.

"Maybe next time," I say trying to fake a smile, but I know he can see right through me. Its just being around people just feels wrong now.

"Ohh, okay. But forsure next time, okay?" worry was evident in his eyes.

"Okay." was my simple reply and I started to walk home. I put my headphones on and I block out the world. Mindless people everywhere..