NIRVANA | RENMIN

04: too

TRACK FOUR: TOO

"shall we go to the park?"

that was what renjun had calmly suggested. jaemin didn't protest.

in all honesty, naksan park wasn't far away at all. but jaemin had just got home from a long day at work, and the arms of the clock were nearing one in the morning. so much for having a good rest, walking along a deserted street carrying a bag of dumplings was not what he ideally had in mind.

jaemin could see the trees lining the street as they began to enter the park. it was quiet, not a soul in sight. jaemin followed renjun as he led the way down a vaguely familiar path.

oh.

this was where they used to eat together.

jaemin had remembered as renjun turned into a small stone pathway leading to a clearing, grass stretching widely across it, flowers dotting the expansive spread of green with mars of white and yellow.

he smiled at the fond memories. they would be here at six in the morning instead of one, where renjun had dragged jaemin to watch the sunset.

"it's so pretty." jaemin heard renjun's voice sigh, from long ago, resounding in his head. he turned to look at the ghost of the figure.

"but not as pretty as you." jaemin had giggled and leaned over to peck renjun on the cheek.

the older had blushed furiously. "whatever."

he sighed at the memory, smiling contentedly and lowering himself onto the grass.

out of the corner of his eye, he saw the older approaching with his yellow glow. jaemin found the glow strangely comforting, letting it wrap around him like a blanket as renjun sat down beside him.

the sky was twinkling with stars, reminding him of the splatters of white paint that use to go all over renjun's black marble countertop when he painted. jaemin hesitantly placed a finger on the chinese's shoulder, making sure it was solid before laying his head on his lap.

renjun took the box of dumplings from his hand, separating the disposable wooden chopsticks in one clean move before reaching in and taking one. he chewed, and renjun's face flushed with happiness.

"tastes like home." he mumbled as he ate another one.

jaemin watched the stars as he swallowed the last dumpling. jaemin raised his hands to trace a star.

"how pretty..." he heard renjun say under his breath.

"which is prettier, the sunset or the stars?"

jaemin could tell renjun looked surprised that he asked that. maybe it was because renjun had expected jaemin to not forget, but jaemin would never bear to lose such precious memories.

"i guess i like the stars more." renjun stared at the sky. "the sunset has more colours, but the stars reflect in your eyes and make them more pretty than usual."

jaemin smiled at that. "i guess i like the stars more too."

they sat in a comfortable silence. jaemin's fingers intertwined with renjun's hoodie. his eyes grazed over the older's face.

[ BASED ON WE GO UP ERA ]

the same chocolate brown eyes, with the sharp end. the same pinkish brown locks that fell over his eyelids and grazed over his lashes. they were wet with crystal droplets, jaemin wondered where they came from. the same slanted nose, pale skin, small smile.

everything was the same, yet so different.

"i'm sorry."

jaemin had suddenly jerked up from renjun's lap, startling the older.

"why...?"

"it's my fault-" jaemin struggled to form a sentence. "because of me- i thought you-"

"it's okay." renjun pulled the younger into a soothing hug, patting his bubblegum-pink hair rhythmically. "i chose to go, jaemin... it's my choice."

jaemin trembled and stiffened in the hug. but he let loose, relaxing and melting in the embrace.

just then, a low growl ripped through the comforting atmosphere.

a blush immediately crept up jaemin's neck, feeling a hand on his stomach. renjun stared, amused.

"you were hungry...?"

"you ate all the dumplings!!" jaemin and whined. "i didn't try them either..."

renjun laughed and pulled out the box. "who said i finished them all?"

jaemin smiled and reached for it, but renjun shook his head and waggled the chopsticks.

"shush." renjun picked up the last dumpling. "you can't even use chopsticks properly, if you drop the last dumpling there'll be no food for you. now, open your mouth."

jaemin smiled as renjun plopped a dumpling in his mouth. he chewed expectantly and smiled.

"i never got the chance to eat with your parents." jaemin frowned. "this is so good."

"i know." renjun smiled.

he lay back down on the grass, and his yellow glow grew brighter.

renjun sat up suddenly as tiny flecks of light suddenly began attaching himself to him.

"jaemin, listen to me."

jaemin snapped his attention to renjun instantly.

"i've achieved nirvana..." he smiled softly. "thank you for your help."

renjun took jaemin's hand in his and closed his eyes. "thank you... for being there..."

"thank you for loving me."

jaemin felt a tear slip down his cheek as the glow brightened.

"tell chenle that i'm so sorry... that i love him."

"and jaemin?"

"wait, renjun-!"

renjun's body tingled as he finally got to say those three words he never was allowed to say, back at the airport. that experience was now just a hidden memory.

"i love you, jaemin."

jaemin's tears intensified as he saw huang renjun smile at him and disappear from sight entirely.

"wait... renjun..."

jaemin trembled as he wiped away his tears slowly and rose to his feet.

"i love you too, renjun."