Black and White (❌UNDER HEAVY REVISION❌)

9.Painful Desires

Hey guys! I'm so happy to get back the laptop and now I can finally get back to writing! There was something I've been meaning to tell you guys so;

If there are any especial scenes you want me to do? From either the drama or the novel? Anything would be fine, you can tell me!

So now that I've said it it's time to get back to the story! Enjoy! Don't forget to comment!

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Wei Ying wondered how he ended up like this.

Avoiding Lan Zhan and everyone else was like a knife stuck in his gut, twisting and going deeper and deeper with every time he sneaked away, reluctant to engage himself in their chatter as he used to. But no one has been too suspicious yet.

Wei Ying watched the Twin Jades of Gusu walking together, also yearning to be a part of their world.

'Foolish Wei Wuxian! How could you think like that? Do you really think you would be welcome to be with the rest of them when the paths you follow are so vastly different? I'm such a fool...' He sighed. But it can be helped now. What's done is done, there's no going back. Not for him at least. He has gone too far for that.

He remembered every Wen he killed. Every single one of them. No matter how much he tried he simply couldn't and every night he counted them over and over again till he forgot how many times he counted.

Eventually he forgot how many he killed too. When he realized he forgot it he threw himself on the floor and cried till he couldn't. Until he just stared blankly at wall. When the pain grew to be too much, he simply blocked everything to the back of his mind, refusing to feel anything.

Then he couldn't feel anything and when he wanted to feel something, he couldn't. One day he woke up on the floor, his hands bleeding around Suibian's naked silver blade stained with red.

It hurt. But it also felt good. It felt so, so good to feel something. Then he did it more and more frequently on his thighs, upper arms, anywhere it wouldn't show. After all... it wasn't as if it was the first time.

He only stopped when he felt faint. He hid it from everyone in his shame. But he just.... couldn't bare it.

He didn't use the Stygian Tiger Seal yet. Wei Ying was saving it for Wen Ruohan. The clan leaders were having a meeting and Jiang Cheng said that they wanted him to come as well. But he was so tired and he couldn't refuse, so he told Jiang Cheng that he will come later.

Lately the Voices have been louder, more tiring to deal with. They have resorted to whispering saying how much fun they could have using the Seal. How useless he is. But he ignored them. One day he heard another conversation that nearly drove him mad.

"What do you think would happen to Wei Wuxian after the war I wonder?"

"What are you talking about? He is a war hero!"

"But it is risky to let him be so free. His powers should be locked and he should be kept under watch!"

"Now that you put it that way.... your right. He should be."

He ran. The resentment in the camp was too much. So he ran like the coward he was. It was choking him. He couldn't go to Shi-Jie. She is looking for the sick and wounded. A man that stank of death like him doesn't belong in the healers camp.

And Jiang Cheng already had enough on his shoulders without him being a burden as well.

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