Great and Greater

Chapter 5-Your Fault

I made my dedication to Axie because she made me smile right before I posted this. :D

So I'm kinda doubting this chapter. It doesn't seem to cover the breadth of the work really, and I think I'm leaving out a lot, but I know that if I dwell now I'll never progress so I'll probably come back to fix this chapter. And authors note on the slayers chapter, I left out guilt for Fairy for a reason. A reason you won't get to see til the next book really, but a reason in fact.

Anyhow, new chapter now.

P.S. Song-Here By Me by 3 Doors Down

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 As soon as you can see solid images again you know they won’t stay that long. You know that this will be a short painful memory.

You’re staring at Ben’s beautiful face. So peaceful, gentle, white. He’s upset though. Even though you can’t tell what his expression means you know he’s disgruntled. You can sense it. It’s part of loving him.

But you’re pissed off at him. He’s broken your heart, destroyed you.

“You lying, two-faced, blood sucking vampire!” you scream, fury and betrayal burning inside of you. “You knew what I am! Did you even take that into consideration?”

He swallows, but you still can’t tell his exact emotion. “Yes,” he says slowly. “Yes I did. I asked myself, do I love her enough to break the will of the world? Do I love her enough to put aside what I am for her? And I said yes. I loved you enough. The question was then did you love me?” You didn’t even know love then. But you thought you did. It was cute to contemplate. “I didn’t know the answer to that one, but I hoped and put aside my brooding and decided to let you figure out what I am instead of me telling you. I believed that would be right.” He spins on his feels then, walking to your front door, holding it open for you, a frank smile on his face.

You’re still standing by his car, sass and shock holding you in your place. However, you have to walk away. You have to come out of this just as unphased and prevalent as he is. “Hmmph,” you sniff, stomping past him, down the hall, up the stairs, and into your room. Free of your things, you come back down to the first floor to say, “What is this ceremony you spoke of?”

“Wha-?” he asks, his jaw going slack.

“Proceed.”

You’d like to say you saw anger on his face, but more it was worry. Terror. Fear.

For you. Fear. For you.

“No way! You have no idea how dangerous it is!”

Taking his calm position, you say, “You said you’ve done it before.”

“And I about killed her!”

Everything inside of you wants to throw its self out and onto the floor. It wants to open itself up to him. It wants to hurl. It wants to hit him. “How so?”

Without conveying emotion he tilts his head by and laughs, collecting the light and shadows just right so that he looks like a vampire almost.

But isn’t he?

“You seem to think I’m immune to the temptations of human or slayer blood,” he remarks incredulously. Gently he lowers his head so that face is just a hairs breadth from yours. “Guess what?” he breaths, darkly, sending shivers down your spine. “I’m not.” At you lack of response he sighs and steps into the sunlight pouring in from the living room window. “I can put on a brace face and stand by someone’s side in the emergency room while they have brain surgery. I can bandage someone’s bodied finger and kiss it all better. I can dive into a pool to pull out a heavily bleed baby who happened to fall on a butch knife and slip into the water. But none of that gives justification for not be torn to pieces inside over the fiery urge to lose myself!” You have to wonder idly if those examples had all happened. “And the worst thing is that the only time, other than when I want to, that I produce pheromones is when I tempted!”