Blind Love

The Mind is Blind

Saint stared outside the window. The rain was gently running down the windowpane, obscuring his view. He wasn't paying attention anyway. His thoughts were on the silent man in the bed across the room. Zee hadn't woken up yet. He had received a concussion from hitting his head yesterday. The doctor had a bandage around his head and covering his eyes as well. He was afraid that the impact to his head may have caused additional damage to his eyes.

Did I push him too hard to soon? Saint asked himself for the hundredth time. He walked over to the bed and sat down in the chair he had been occupying for the last twelve hours. He picked up Zee's hand and began to massage his palm. Zee's parents left a couple of hours ago. Saint promised them that he would call them the minute he woke up and would not leave his side. Mew and Gulf went down to the cafeteria to get some coffee. Saint tried to get them to go home but they refused. He smiled they were awesome friends. He leaned down and kissed Zee's hand and gently placed it back under the cover. He reached into his backpack and pulled out his IPAD.

Saint opened his eyes and stared at the face that was a mere two inches away from his. He smiled when he heard a gentle snore come from Zee. Saint had crawled up into the bed with Zee during the night. He smiled. He didn't remember doing it. He laid there for a few minutes before he thought he had better get up. He started to lean up when a hand grabbed his arm and a hoarse voice said "No, don't go!" Saint gasped. "Zee" he whispered, laying his head against his chest and started shaking. "Don't cry, Love." Zee held Saint tight for a few minutes then cleared his throat and asked, "Do you think you could get me a little water? Saint lifted his head while wiping his eyes with his sleeve "I'm sorry, Babe. I will get it for you and call the nurse."

After the nurse came in and examined Zee, she left to call the doctor with the information and to get further instructions. Saint called Zee's parents and sent a text to Mew telling them that he was awake. Saint sat on the edge of the bed and picked up Zee's hand again. "How are you feeling?" Saint asked. Zee stretched his arms out and groaned, "Oh, not too bad. My head is still hurting though." Saint reached up and massaged his shoulder, "The medicine should be kicking in soon. Your parents are on their way and Mew said that he and Gulf would stop by around lunchtime." Zee nodded and sighed. He then reached for Saint. "Please lay down with me before anyone gets here." Saint smiled and got into bed and snuggled close and felt Zee relax. It just took a few minutes for Saint to hear the gentle snoring again.

The day went quickly. When Zee's parents arrived, Saint ran home to shower and eat. Did a few things around the house, went over to the University to explain why he had missed class and he got his assignments for the next few days. He caught the bus and headed back to the hospital. He arrived just as Zee's parents were leaving and Mew and Gulf had just showed up. The three of them stayed with Zee for the rest of the day. After dinner Mew and Gulf told Zee that they were going to the restaurant to check on things and that they would be back tomorrow. The room became quiet.

"You haven't asked me?" Zee whispered. Saint looked at him. He thought he knew what Zee was referring too but didn't want to assume anything. "About what? "he asked. Zee was fidgeting with the edge of the blanket. "You haven't asked me about what happened at Dr. Krazinski's office." He said. Saint got up and walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. He grabbed Zee's hand and cleared his throat, "Do I have to ask? Do you not feel free to be able to tell me anything? I will always listen to whatever you have to tell me." Saint leaned over and softly kissed his lips.

A tear fell and landed on Saint's hand. He stood up and climbed up on the bed and laid next to Zee. He snuggled close waiting for Zee to say what he needed too. After a brief hesitation, Zee started talking about that day. The urgency he felt to get to the restaurant. The regret that he was not more careful, despite the fact that the accident was not his fault. The fear of being strapped in the car unable to get out. The lights of the truck. The need to get to Saint. The fear as the darkness came. As Zee talked the tears came from both men as they held on to each other.

Zee explained everything he was going through when he woke up and realized he was blind. His whole life was upended in a single moment in time. The despair and loneliness were overwhelming. The silence was deafening. Fear took over every minute of his day. Zee pulled Saint closer and whispered, "You are the only thing that felt normal to me. The only time I felt no fear was when I was with you." Saint started to cry. Zee pulled Saint as close as he could to him. "Every time you left the house, I felt like I was having a panic attach." He stopped talking for a few minutes when Saint asked quietly "Why did you hold all of this in, Zee? You couldn't share them with me?" Saint felt hurt, "Did you not realize how much I wanted to help you?" he asked. Zee leaned over and kissed his cheek, "I'm sorry, love. I know now why I couldn't talk to you. Dr. Krazinski helped me to understand. My fear of losing you was stronger than all the fears I have from my blindness. I could not put that kind of pressure on you."

Saint pulled away and got up off the bed. He scowled at Zee. "Do you think I would love you less because of your blindness? Do you think I am weak? Nothing, and let me stress nothing, would make me leave you. Nothing could make me love you less." Saint was shouting at Zee now. He was so angry. He just started pacing the floor. Mumbling to himself. Zee sat up, stood and walked to the sound of Saints voice. He grabbed him and put his arms around his shoulders and pulled him close. Zee felt Saints tears when he placed his face against his. "Don't cry. It was me, not you. It was my fear. Our relationship was so new. I just couldn't lose you. Please forgive me."

Zee guided Saint back to the bed and he got in beside him and hugged him. No one said anything for a while. Saint's head was on Zee's chest listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart. Zee was gently playing with Saint hair trying to sooth him. Finally, Saint asked "Do you think I don't love you? Are you unsure of how I feel for you?" Zee sighed "I know you love me, Saint. But I did not know if you loved me enough, in the short time we have known each other, to be able to handle my blindness. I could not take the risk of losing you."

Saint took his time in answering Zee. He understood his fear and to be honest he had some fears of his own. But never did he doubt his love for Zee. He leaned up and pressed his lips against his and whispered, "The eyes are useless, when the mind is blind." He said. "I love you and your blindness does not change that. Do you think when I say I love you; I only love your eyes? No, I love everything that is YOU and that includes your blindness.' Saint put his arms around Zee's trembling body and held him while he cried. After some time, they both fell asleep holding each other. When the nurse came in to check on Zee, she just smiled gently and closed the door.