Sherlock & John (A Teenlock Fanfiction)

Post-Disclaimer, Important Notes

Hey guys! Hope you're all safe and well during this coronavirus time.

I took it upon myself to do some minor edits and changes in this story while leaving some largely problematic plot lines, and I thought I would use this as a teaching moment regarding my mistakes as a creator and being accountable for some of the things I've written in this story in particular.

First, this is not meant to be some sort of self-flagellating, canceling myself, feel so bad for me type thing, nor it is a here's a pat on the back for addressing it, unproblematic queen type thing. I wrote this story when I was a very new writer in middle school figuring out what themes I enjoyed exploring and what really drew me as an artist. I know a lot of people reading this story feel that Sherlock and John understood how they were feeling and that includes myself. I was also adapting from two inherently problematic texts. This STILL does not exempt me from writing responsibly, especially since tens of thousands of people have seen my work.

To reiterate, this is not just an apology, although I am very sorry for these aspects of the story. I think S&J had and has a very real impact on people feeling seen and heard, especially LGBT people who often felt shamed, disowned and abused by their families. I want to walk you through some mistakes I made to inform people who have read this how I would now retell this story, where I dropped the ball, as well as opening a dialogue about how I/others can write responsibly.

To get into specifics, I want people to understand that this is not a nuanced realistic look into abuse & mental illness.

I want to start with abuse. In this story, I discussed physical, sexual, emotional and verbal abuse, as well as domestic violence and sexual abuse against minors. I was far too loose and fast with the abuse scenes in this story. I personally really disliked, in the first draft, the flowery language during abuse and often overlong abuse scenes. Yes, physical/sexual/verbal abuse does happen. Yes, it is important to depict the seriousness and depth of harm it does to ones' psyche. When I was rereading, I often felt like I was watching a drawn out scene in a horror movie. Abuse is terrifying and it's harmful, but I don't want to depict scenes that elicit disgust towards the character that's being abused. And I don't want the power of my words to go towards the abuse and by extension, the abuser, rather, I want the person who is being abused to have dignity, and illustrate the ways in which they STILL have that dignity, although they may feel their abuser has taken it from them.

I have edited the scenes slightly as to make them shorter and not as romanticized, but all the scenes remain for you to read. Please read them having this in mind.

Next, mental illness. Comorbidities in mental illness happen all the time - you'll often be diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety, or depression and anxiety, or depression and anorexia and bulimia, and so on. However, Sherlock's mental illnesses were not always well handled and left a lot to be desired upon second reading. In particular, I thought his suicide attempt(s) were overlong, dramatized, and strangely focused around John and how John felt about him instead of how Sherlock felt about himself. I never gave Sherlock or John options to get help, although there are many ways to reach out, creating the impression that depression and suicidal ideation is a death sentence. It is not. Talk to a school counselor, therapist, or just someone you trust if you're dealing with mental health issues.

As a kid, I thought throwing them all at the wall would infuse my art with more interest. I used mental illness and abuse as a plot point without researching them thoroughly and I think it's to the detriment of my readers and the story. I want to be proud of what I have written and posted and I want anyone (but especially teens) reading this to know what is and isn't acceptable.

Third, racism, ableism. In a previous draft, I wrote a line of dialogue for John that was supposed to represent his class difference and uncouth personality, but really was just racist and upsetting to read. My excuse at the time was that I was part of the group he was being racist towards, and it wasn't ME saying it, it was John. My response now: DON'T MAKE YOUR MAIN CHARACTERS RACIST AND NEVER ADDRESS IT. Other characters had similar issues with ableism which was a result of my ignorance at the time.