Hold On to this lullaby even when the musics gone (Motionless in White and D.R.U.G.S FF)

The irony of change

Scranton, Pennsylvania isn't what I expected at all when Craig said we were moving. It's actually EXACTLY like Pontiac, Michigan where we use to live. Rainy depressing and cold. Ugh. "Cassie what's wrong?" Craig sighs from the Driver's seat, "didn't you want a change of scenery?"Huffing a sigh I roll my eyes at him and lay my forehead against the window, and stare at the passing houses. "look I know I have to go on tour right away but......"

"It would have been easier just to stay with mom" I don't mean it but it just slips out. " at least then I wouldn't feel so alone" I feel his eyes on the side of my head but I don't care. He sits in silence for a long minute, and it almost feels like eternity before he speaks again.

" Cassidy i'm trying OK?" but really he's not. I can even remember the last time he cared about anything either than his band, and their music. But who am I to judge him on what he likes?

       At the sight of my new school; I turn in my seat and scowl across the center council, flip him the bird, and pull on a pair of aviators. For a long moment he stares at me appalled, then returns my scowl. ironically we mirror each other's scowl. " It's for your own good.'' he sighs, glancing yet again away from the the long extension of grey road that winds us through the posh neighborhood around us, Eww.

 "you're going to get us into a crash Craigery Micheal." I say quietly, and I don't know maybe he didn't hear me, or maybe he is just ignoring me but he rages on.  

"You can't spend your whole life watching YouTube from the closet." Actually, I've got severe social anxiety... so spending my whole life in my closet watching YouTube would be great. I can just imagine it now... a Small smile purses my lips. 

" yeah I could." huffing, I cross my arms over my chest and sit lower in my chair. "not like you'll be there to stop me." Not like he's ever there to anyways.

"look Cass I'm trying my hardest to stand in dad's shoes, and be the parent figure." He says it quietly as if mom is sitting in the back seat and not not  eight hours and twenty nine minutes away in a drug induced comatose at home. We both cringe at the thought, we could never be far enough away from her.

 "please don't get into this." I plead quietly, and roll my bottom lip ring nervously, searching for anything else in my mind to think about. 

"well Cassidy Marie Owens I am." he nearly shouts at me, which hurts substantially seeing that he never yells at me that often. At the exact moment I catch a glimpse at myself in the rear view mirror, and I don't recognize who I've become. With piercings in the middle of my mouth creating a semi comma there and platinum hair. I look cool... in a freakish way.

"What if they don't like me for how I look?" I fret "what if they think I'm a freak?" turning the car off, he turns to me and pushes my hair from my face, like he use to when we were younger. Then plants a kiss on my forehead. 

"You'll be alright little soldier." he offers me a smile of unconditional love only a older brother can offer, then nudges me "you're gonna be late if you dont hurry yourself up and go."   Hopping out of the car I slowly begin my approach towards the daunting brick building in front of me, and grip hold of the strap to my Donnie Darko letter bag. I've never felt this scared in my whole entire life up until this moment. I don't have to turn to know he's already driven off. He doesn't want to miss his plane to California, but in the process he's leaving me all alone again.

****Devin Sola****

Chris, Ricky, Ryan , and I sit at the furthest edge  possible from the swarming waves of pink, and wait for Balz to get his black clad butt over here, when I spot her. Head low and shoulders high as she hunches over her phone, as if this is the type of horror she cant stand.... not like she's not a horror herself. 

"Hey Sola, who or what are you starring at like that?" Chris asks squinting his eyes and searching the waves. I shrug as a type of answer. "Seriously someone catch your eye?" Ricky smirks at me, and it occurs to me that he too has seen her. Crap. Everyone lets out low whistles as one by one they notice her too. This is so bad.

****

        I'm not ready for this, I don't think I ever would be. Already they're sneering and snickering, and I can feel an anxiety attack start to build. 

"Hey you're new!" The words almost make my hop out of my skin. Holy~ who? what? where? Spinning, i come face to face with a pretty looking pale boy with straight, shoulder length, black hair,and angel bites. Melty brown eyes stare at me, " I'm Joshua Balz. Call me Balz though." he offers me a small smile, and a black nailed hand.  

"Oh." I struggle to say." I'm...I'm...... uhhh... call me Cass.... uh Cass Owens." No way am I telling him my whole first name. 

"Is that short for something? Cassidy perhaps?" another cool voice says, deeper, smoother "and I'm Chris Cerulli."  Now this is a sort of eye candy...........if you're into Marylnn Manson............just with more normal lips.... Here we go.....