Beyond the Void

Chapter 89, I am afraid of the rotting leaves

VAERA

Five moons and four tens since the Mark of the Other One blossomed.

The ensemble played and sang song after song after song. Vaera tried to focus on the pleasant music and the voices of the singers. Somewhere inside her a rage was bubbling, constantly diverting her attention. A red haze was in her head. Chains clattered without warning and left a ringing in her ears. The singers were leaving, and Vaera's fingers were dug into the chair's arms.

"Was it that bad?" Vaera heard a performer comment. Wearily, she rose to his feet and threw a book across the room.

"You know, royalty." Someone chuckled. "Don't take it personally."

"You know, you don't have to try this hard." Vaera growled with a stiff jaw. "I will do as you ask of me. You don't have to waste your money on treats. It might help if you show some genuine emotions in your actions. Try to leave me in one piece after you are done with me."

The Dolyar kept looking at her. Without saying a word. His deep verdant eyes drilled into Vaera. "What? Why do you keep looking at me like that?" She demanded.

"I keep being reminded of myself."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You are a king of kings! Pull yourself together." The Dolyar shouted. "I can understand your confusion, your hesitation. Those are unnecessary feelings. The truth is staring you in the face, but you choose to be carried by uncertainty and baseless doubts!"

"You have taught me nothing of use. The books you tell me to read are nothing but bollocks. They're barely about the arcane arts, not even about the bloodied arts. Most of it is philosophical bollocks about the flow. We do little else but meditate and share minds." Vaera stuck her tongue out of her mouth and gagged. "It makes me sick."

"An elder has no use for book knowledge. It is a structure. Your language is uncomfortable. You do not have the right words to explain this." The High King finally stood up and paced around. "An elder's power comes from instinct. It is a flow that never ceases. It envelops. The more you push it into boundaries, the more you cripple yourself. It's not wrong to say an elder has limits. We are not gods." He pondered something. "To say we determine our own limits is a poor way of describing it. And you are limiting yourself further, by fighting what little influence of the bound elder trickles through."

"The elder is angry!" Vaera said in a mocking voice.

"But of course. This is twice now they have been denied."

"I don't want to turn into someone else!" She pleaded.

The Dolyar elder might have looked puzzled. Again, Vaera could not tell. "You are not going to... Imagine your daily walk home. One day you choose a different path. You do not know why you do it, but the urge came from somewhere. In fact, you barely even think about it." Vaera opened her mouth, ready to argue.

The Dolyar stomped his foot on the ground and pursed his lips. "It is an inelegant way to say it but try your best to follow me. You are walking home and for whatever reason you stray from the path. You do not linger on the thought for long. It feels natural to you. Soon you feel it is right to stray even further. As a result... things." This time it was obvious. The High King frowned.

"Things. Occurrences occur. Things happen. They are not always good. You realise that this chaotic flow is true. It eclipses the stagnant order you used to succumb before. That hidden hand that guides you is the will of the elder. You do not become someone else. When you accept this hidden will, then you will see the world in a new light and you will be open to new ideas. Until then, you will wander blindly, without purpose and at one point you will fall."