𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐎𝐟𝐟! • ʰʸᵘⁿᵇⁱⁿˡⁱˣ

Chapter 31

After racing back from the beach and Minho has parked the car, Felix pushes Changbin out of the way so can he get to the hospital doors in which Seungmin is waiting.

"Felix!" Seungmin grabs Felix's arms as he runs past. "You need to calm down."

Felix looks as Seungmin worried. No matter how much he learns about the people around him there is still always something he doesn't know. First, he thought Hyunjin was a nice guy, then hated him for lying about being friends and now finds out Hyunjin self-harms. Felix just wants to talk Hyunjin and get to know the actual him, the person he should have been from the start, the person Felix should have listened to rather than ignore all the calls and messages. As much as Felix hates Hyunjin for the things he's done he also regrets not knowing his side of the story.

Felix tries to pills his arm out of Seungmins grip but with no luck. "Let me go I have to see him!" Felix shouts, he voice shaking from the constant fear of losing Hyunjin forever.

Quickly, the others join Felix and Seungmin by the front doors, expect for Minho who is unable to let go of the driving wheel. They too are worried but not as much as Felix, as much as they may have disliked Hyunjin for the person he has become they would never wish this upon him.

"Where's Minho?" Seungmin asks unbothered by Felix's constant pulling.

"In the car... I think he is still in shock." Jisung looks back seeing Minho still in faze from the moment they parked.

"Is it true?" Changbin asks Seungmin, no one talked during the drive here so he knows is about what Felix said at the beach.

Seungmin lets out a sigh looking down, "Yes... the other day Hyunjin told me something that I never knew he has been dealing with all this time and I think it's gotten to him really bad." Finally letting go of Felix, Felix stays stood still staring at his feet.

"When will he wake?" A voice comes from behind Chan.

They all turn to see Minho, his expression still dull and lost but at least his is with them now.

"Sometime in the next two days, could be today, could be tomorrow." Seungmin replies honestly, he knows how worried they all are and they all need to know what's happening.

"It's my fault." Minho says, "He called me earlier and I..." Minho's voice gets stuck in his throat making him unable to finish. The thought of when he was on the phone to Hyunjin, he shouldn't have hanged up so quickly he should've listened more.

"I think you should read this first." Seungmin pulls five letters out his backpack. He hangs one to Felix, Changbin and Minho each labelled with their names. One left for Jeongin and one already open written to Seungmin.

"W-what's this?" Felix grasps the letter with his hands trembling. He's hasn't even opened it yet and he already feels like crying, again.

However, without hesitation Minho and Changbin rip right into theirs and start reading.

Lee Felix,

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for everything I have done not just to you but also the people around you. I have been the worst example of a human. I made up excuses for things I didn't even know.

I think I should be straight forward with you right now, it's not like you'll have to see me again so you can go on living happily, hopefully.
I'm sure you know that I dated Changbin back when we were in high school, then one day I just suddenly stopped and outed him to the whole school. Even going as far as bullying him. I thought we wouldn't be going to the same college so we could forget about each other but I was wrong. Since some other people also came here from our high school I had to keep up that image of bullying Changbin. But every time I did it I hated myself more and more. It's been about five years now and just been getting worse and worse.

You have even had to witness it from the day you started here. When I learnt you were g̶a̶y̶ bi, I wanted to stop this image of myself I have created for people.

Obviously, you don't know this but when I dated Changbin I actually had feelings for him, I will even say he was my first love. One day my father walked in on us kissing and afterwards beat me telling me that it was wrong. For many years I have spent thinking that he was right, that it was wrong to love someone of the same gender. I have liked females but I always find myself more attracted to males. Having to see Changbin every day didn't help, I haven't been able to get rid of my feelings towards.

At the beginning of this year, one night I hurt Changbin really bad that when I went back to the spot to resent my feelings I found him still there. Luckily it was dark that I managed to get him back to his room without him seeing me but every time he would let out a whimper it broke my heart even more. I have said and done so many terrible things to him that no matter what I do now I know he can't forgive me, he shouldn't forgive me.

Felix, I hate myself right now for everything I've done. I made you think I was a nice person with this fake facade. When in reality I'm messed up. If it wasn't for Seungmin I would still be thinking it was wrong and continue to hurt you, when I don't want to. The only problem is the truth hurts sometimes more than the lies, I know it's not wrong to love but I have hurt the people I love. Including you Felix, since the first day, I saw you I hit you with a sausage and made tons on homophobic jokes. But when I saw you then, I fell for you and then when I got to properly see you in dance class I just wanted to pull you close and hold you, I wanted you as mine. Watching you dance didn't help either you look so beautiful. And that time you had a panic attack I wanted to cradle you in my arms but I knew I couldn't cross the line. A line my father drew five years ago.

I'm sorry for everything I have put you through.
Your secret admirer, Hwang Hyunjin x

☆彡★彡☆彡
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This will be updated every Tuesday