Stuck...Lost...Alone

bridge's burning;

John's pov:

What's the point of love if all the time you have to work to keep it running? It's like I know I messed up and he keeps saying he forgives me for doing that and that he understands but I know he doesn't, he keeps putting all the blame on me, he keeps shutting me out. How am I supposed to fix my mistakes if he keeps shutting me out? Maybe our love was not meant to be, maybe we were not meant to be. I messed up big time and I know that but I can't take back my mistakes and I can't help him to get through it all because his not letting me. He keeps all his emotions inside and it kills me. I was not there when he needed me and I hate myself for that. I hate the fact that I left him even though I knew how much he meant to me. And I hate the fact that he moved on so quickly. I wish he had waited for me. I hate myself for ever coming into his life and ruining it, for ruining his relationship with Jess because I could see Jess didn't make him as happy as I made him. He never had sex with Jess because he can't let Jess in and I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. I thought maybe if I could show him that Jess is not worthy of his love he'd leave but no he ran back into his arms. It breaks me seeing them together. It hurts so much that no matter how much I drink or how much I cut myself I still feel the pain. No Matt how much sleeping tablets I take he still ends up giving me nightmares and making wake up. I don't sleep, I can't eat. I don't see the point of life anymore. I'm just waiting for them to break up. I won't rest until I have my Reece in my arms, until his laying beside me with his head on my chest and his arm draped over me, I won't rest until I get Reece back and I'll go to any lengths to get him. I'll do anything to get my Reece back.
Dora is such a sweet girl. We have been hanging out. I'm not a paedophile. She just needed someone to head her out and I was there to listen. She's like a little sister I never had. She keeps me updated about Reece and I keep her updated about my health. She has gotten me eating again...she has given me hope. Jess messed up as much as I did and Reece is at his breaking point. Why can't Jess see how much my baby is broken??! It's written in his eyes dammit! My poor baby is going through so much and is alone. Dora is still healing. She's trying to fix herself but she can't do it on her own. She needs her big brother to hold her hand but how can he gold her when he himself needs someone to hold him? They all broken. Their whole life has been one big broken mess after another and they can't be their for each other because both is seeking love from others and not taking the time to show each other love. I've tried talking to Reece multiple times but he's shut me out and I understand why. I wronged him and I was expecting it. I can't just mess him up and expect to come running back into his arms. I need to work for his love. I'm trying to fix Dora and my relationship with Reece, I'm even trying to fix myself and mend Jess.
A phone rings in the background but I'm too lazy to go answer it. It's sent through to my answering machine and I jump up in a flash as soon as I hear who is on the other end
"Hey John I know I don't have a right to be calling you or whatever but would you mind hanging out? I know you and Dora is close and she needs you right now so would you mind coming over? Jess will be here too so if it gets uncomfortable I'll tell him to leave..."
"I'll be over right now"
After hearing his voice and listening to his hard it is for him to mention Jess and how it sounds like his crying I'm not going to waste a minute showering and whatever.
I live a few blocks away from them and I jog to their house.
Before I knock Dora opens the door and she looks... bad. There's circles under her eyes and she seems to be thinner. Damn I should have checked up on her last week. She has been having problems at school. She's getting bullied. Every year there's a 'bring your parents to school day' and unfortunately Dora has no parents to bring so she was left out this year and kids in her class were teasing her about it. Then they started attacking her beautiful figure and saying that she's too fat,  like damn kids of today are another story. They even went as far as saying that her hair looks like a bird's nest even though she has such beautiful curls.
Reece looked bad as well. He had shaved off all his hair for his OP the neck day and he had dark circles and bags under his eyes and wow! He still looked hot.
"Come in" Dora said in a small voice
The couches were pushed against the wall and there was a tent made on the floor and blankets around it. Jess was sitting cross legged, eating sour sweets. Reece was just laying on the floor looking at the roof.
"Hi guys."
They both greeted.
What was going on?