What if? (Greyster)

Falling Apart

Jessica walked down the hallway, tears spilling down her cheeks. She hoped she'd left soon enough that Gaster didn't see her upset. I deserve this, she reminded herself. Over the past few days she had just wanted to tell them a couple of times, but she couldn't. They couldn't trust her, she was sure. Not now, and probably not ever. She had been sleeping in her hospital bed until everything was figured out, and the Dreemurs had come to see her and thank her. For what? She wondered. She didn't do anything overall in the war. The only thing she'd done was save Gaster. Then, he'd had to save her, so it cancelled out, she reckoned. Why am I so useless? She felt a jolt of pain in her chest.

She took her soul out once more. Her emotions were clearly putting it under strain. The cracks were not growing any larger, but rather, flexing. They juddered with each pulse of her soul, and each flex was agonizing. She eased herself against the wall and waited for the pain to subside. She stood there for a while. It could have been seconds or days when the pain reverted to something manageable.

She continued down the hallway to her office. She was having trouble putting the city back together after the beasts attacks. Many parents had lost children in the attack on the school, and the monsters had lost people too. Alphys, Sans, and Asriel were all killed. Only Sans and Asriel were able to come back. And now, Sans might be gone again. My fault.

She kept walking, though she was tearing up now. She wiped the tears and carried on with her thoughts. The infrastructure of the town had also been greatly damaged. On top of all that, most of the monsters now needed places to live, rights... she felt exhausted already. So much to do.

And then there was Gaster. She hadn't even apologized to him yet. She had killed his son, and she hadn't even apologized to him! She understood fully why he had attacked her, but that was the worst part. She had felt the same urge after finding out how Alina...

My fault.

Her soul juddered, and Jessica gasped. Stop upsetting yourself more! She paused until her soul returned to normal. She strode on until she reached the end of the hallway and turned into her room. Sitting down at the desk, she hooked the first stack of paperwork.