London born Gigi Lastra is struggling to make ends meet let alone make it big in the music business and make a name for herself. Working two jobs to keep her life afloat and provide for her family she's haunted by her past. That's until she meets t...
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"I can't believe how... mature you are... my little Giovanna... so grown up... and loved and listened too by so many." He smiles.
Is this some sick joke? The tears rush down my cheeks and he quickly steps forward with his arms open ready to pull me in.
"Don't!" I say stepping back. His face quickly overcome with visible disappointment and shock. Sixteen years I've been waiting for this moment, the chance to ask him so many questions he left unanswered. What happened? Why didn't he come back? Did he even care about me? Why did he even leave!?
For so long I hoped something forced him to leave, he didn't have a choice and he didn't just leave his four-year-old daughter and partner, I hoped he dint leave just because he wanted to. I hoped one day he'd come back and I'd just run into his arms and hug him like I was when I was four. But now, my breath hitches in my throat, I feel like I'm going to throw up. Everythings spinning, I need it to stop.
It's all blurry, I can't catch a breath, I'm going to be sick.
I can't let them see me like this.
I turn around and barrel down the hallway looking for the first available door. I throw myself into a dressing room and collapse against it, sliding down until I hit the floor. I bury my head in my hands and sob loudly.
Why now? Why's he back? I was doing fine without him.
My nails dig into my palms and I resist the urge to start hurting myself. Old habits die hard I guess.
I can still remember him walking away from the small house we lived in, my four-year-old body wailing for him to come back. Anto holding my struggling arms as I cried into his shirt. I wasn't meant to see him leave, he was meant to be gone before I got home from school but I caught him just as I was getting home. He wasn't even going to say bye. He was just going to leave. It was his fault mum is as bad as she is. It's his fault I never had clean school clothes or a full packed lunch. It was his fault I spent years hiding and pretending I was fine. It was his fault I had no one to protect me from...
I've spent every single year after that trying to block him out, trying to forget the constant arguing between him and my mum being my last memory of him, trying to forget the man who was supposed to love me. The man who broke my heart before any boy could. Every fathers day was spent envying those who got to celebrate. I was never able to make a fathers day card in primary school like the rest of my class because I didn't have one to give it too. In the end, I used to just send them to Anto, I knew he was grateful and always tried to be my father figure but he missed his best friend too. They grew up together and were practically brothers and he left him too. Where was he when I started secondary school and got bullied profusely? When I developed chronic anxiety and had to struggle with depression? When I couldn't make it to school because I had horrific panic attacks or couldn't get out of bed because I felt like it'd be better if I didn't go on. When I had to drop out of university to help my mum? When I started working two jobs to pay for her addiction issues. Where was he when I started to hurt myself? When I was beat-
