Meet Me In The Wings ~ Ethan Nestor

14. After Party

The next day was nice and chill. No college meant I could get up late, and just spend the majority of the day doing whatever I saw fit. I baked at 11:30am just so I could have cake for lunch, watched a few too many episodes of Doctor Who on Netflix, and I didn't get dressed until 4pm. Don't get me wrong, I was really missing Harley, but these were the joys of having the house to myself for a while. Plus, I got to dance around naked when I came out of the shower rather than locking myself in my room until I was appropriately clothed. Always a bonus.

I left the house an hour or so earlier than necessary so that I could feed the ducks in the Arboretum before going to the theatre that afternoon. After the previous night's successful performance, I wasn't nearly as nervous about the show, but it couldn't help to do something a little calming beforehand right? So, armed with a box of birdseed I skipped along, mentally preparing for the evening ahead.

The Arboretum was always one of my favourite places in Lincoln. The stretching grass, the statues and fountains, the trees, the ponds. It was beautiful place all round, and after a few years of going to feed the ducks, pigeons, and squirrels, they had begun to recognise me. It was like visiting old friends. The winding paths were the most familiar tracks in the city, and soon I was knelt next to my regular pond.

"Afternoon, Andrew!" I chirped as I was approached by a large duck with angel wing. Despite his feathers stuck out oddly, he was highly affectionate and all but hopped into my lap as I pulled out my bird seed

Soon there were birds flocking towards me. I couldn't help but smile dopily as they tucked into their dinner, occasionally jumping up onto me, and letting me gently stroke them. To me, there was nothing more relaxing in the world. A moment of calm amidst the madness of my day to day life...

A few tears were shed that evening as we took down the fun little set that we'd spent so much time in for the past few days. We'd all poured our souls into this show and it was over now. But as we tucked the last of the props into storage, Jessie came up behind me.

"Pre-drinks are at mine, then we're thinking pub, Bierkeller, Scene?" She explained, having thoroughly thought out the night's festivities.

"Sounds good to me!" I was still buzzing with adrenaline despite having gotten more than a little emotional, so a drink would be a blessing. "I could do with getting totally smashed; it's been a while."

Jessie let out a laugh at that comment, and I couldn't help but beam. This was going to be a good night.

Congregated at Jessie's less than half an hour later, myself, Jessie, Jayda, and Anna were giggling tipsily and trying our best to perfect our makeup before we headed out into the wild. The three girls did have to help me with my eyelashes – because I was going all out – but other than that we all managed to keep our glitter in line, our eyeliner sharp, and our highlight popping. I was in a faux leather mini-skirt, a black shirt, fishnets, and knee high silver boots with stiletto heels. I had sparkly earrings and my favourite, spiked choker on, and I felt fierce. Any excuse to drag myself up, of course. The others looked positively fabulous as well, and with several Jack and cokes in me, we were ready to hit the local pub.

The Jolly Brewer was my favourite Lincoln pub. It had a great atmosphere, fairly cheap drinks, and you would always meet the best people. I remember quite fondly the time I met two guys, one in his thirties and one celebrating his 47th birthday, and bonding with them over a shared love of Bryan Adams. It was a magical place to say the least, and as soon as we stepped in, I felt at home.

"Hey Jim!" I waved at one of the bar staff, a chipper yet sweary Scottish man who had more vodka than blood in him at any given time.

"Come here ya bastard." He grinned wide, gesturing for me to go over and give him a hug. This was our usual greeting, but he stepped back from the bear hug with a frown. "I don't like you in heels. You're sexier and taller than me."

We all exchanged pleasant conversation with the staff as we ordered drinks, me getting a double vodka lemonade (also known as the Jim Special) as I usually did. We found a table beneath the canopies in the beer garden and settled into chats about the show.

Then came the Jaegerbombs. Two of those, plus pre-drinks, and my vodka and I was beyond tipsy already. It was only 10:30 but the familiar fuzz had settled in my brain as I lit a cigarette, sat back as the others danced. This was my happy place. My happy state. Good people, good music, and a whole lot of booze. Unhealthy as it may be, all my troubles melted away when I was intoxicated. I could finally relax. Well, I could relax as much as is possible when Jessie announces that we're behind schedule and need to be at Bierkeller right now.

Bierkeller: froggerstein, up on the benches, try not to fall, ultimately fail. It's a vicious cycle but good gods is it fun. The bumping music, the dancing drunks, the flashing lights. I love a good club me.

"I feel like we haven't been out in ages!" Jessie yelled over the music as we 'danced' side by side.

"I know! I've missed it." I chuckled, sipping at my gargantuan drink while shuffling my feet on the rather cramped bench.

Given my anxiety, it was a wonder I didn't hate clubs and parties, but I felt safe and comfortable around my friends, and it really was needed after a long show week. My eyes were lagging and a there was a faint buzzing in my ears, and yet it was the best I'd felt in weeks. I could just focus on the people that I loved and worry not about other trivial things.

Once I'd finished my drink, quite some time later, I stumbled outside to smoke again. This time Anna followed me out to chat where it was somewhat quieter.

"So," She began, a devilish smirk gracing her face, "Jamie, the notorious gay, what's the chances of us finding you a fella in The Scene tonight?"

I couldn't help but splutter out a laugh at that. "Slim to none my friend." I shook my head. "I am what the kids these days would call repulsive. Besides, I tend to get my sights set on unattainable men..." For the first time that night, my mind wandered, and I found myself thinking of Ethan again.

Me and my impossible fucking crushes... Celebrity crushes were heart-breaking enough, but to be attached to someone who was just out of reach? That's a whole new level of painful. I can deal with knowing that I'm never going to kiss Eddie Redmayne, but being so attracted to someone that I have to see constantly but know I can't have? Ouch.

"Like who?" Anna interrupted my thoughts.

"Oh, uh..." I felt my face heat up instantly, but it wasn't too noticeable in the low light. "I don't know, like Jensen Ackles or David Tennant. Y'know, guys I just can't have."

I tried my hardest to play it off, the alcohol in my system definitely not helping me to hold my tongue. Thankfully, Anna didn't push any further. I flicked my cigarette butt onto the ground, blowing out a final puff of smoke before heading back inside.

Five more minutes of awkward bench shuffling and we'd all finished our drinks.

"Right, Scene?" Jessie asked, picking up her bag.

Everyone nodded and we headed out, all of us fumbling slightly. The streets were full of party goers and clubbers, and I couldn't help but grin as we marched ourselves to by far my favourite bar in the city.