hiding

deja vu

Alexia groaned; her head pounded painfully. The sound of monitors filled the air, giving her a sense of déjà vu. She was vaguely aware of a warm, light pressure around her right hand, causing her to twitch her fingertips. The pressure squeezed her hand in response, causing her to open her eyes.

"Lexi?" Marco spoke softly, causing her heart to drop in her chest as guilt set in again.

"I'm sorry Marco." Her eyes brimmed with tears as she looked at him.

"What happened Lexi?" He sounded saddened, almost disappointed.

"I don't know. I was just thinking, and then it was like my nightmares. I couldn't breathe," Alexia started breathing faster, as she remembered the feeling, "I could feel his hands at my neck again, and it... it just hurt so much. I couldn't get the pain to stop, I just wanted it to stop." Alexia was now crying, her breathing way too fast.

"Lexi, yoi. It's going to be alright." Marco murmured, stroking his thumb over the top of her hand, trying to get her to calm down, "It's not your fault. I saw you tried to find your medicine... I know you didn't mean to do what you did. I'm sorry I hadn't left it there for you. I'm sorry I left you alone like I did."

"It's not your fault though Marco," Alexia looked away from him, "It's my fucking mind, I'm pathetic. I made everyone worry. I'm so useless."

"You're not useless Alexia." Marco bore into her eyes as she finally looked at him again, "You're not pathetic. You didn't ask for a past like yours, you had a massive panic attack. We just have to find a way to help you through it."

"Why don't you just let me go? It would save all of you so much trouble. I don't deserve to be here..." Alexia's voice trailed off.

"How many times do we have to tell you, you're not going anywhere?" Marco laughed at her, confusing her, "You don't get to decide if you deserve to be here, we do, and seeing how your still on board I think your safe. We want you here. We don't cast out one of our own just because they're hurting."

"I don't know why you guys are being so nice to me. I don't deserve this." Alexia looked frustrated.

"This is what family does yoi." Marco said lightly.

"Am I family though?"

"Were you lying when you called him Pops? When you answered to daughter?" Marco asked.

"Well, no..." Alexia furrowed her eyebrows, "In all honesty I went with it because it just... felt right.

"Then that's all there is too it." He grinned in satisfaction.

"It's not really that easy though, it can't be."

"It is, if you'll let it. Just go with it for once Lexi, stop trying to fight us on this."

"Okay." Lexi was smiling, looking at the ceiling.

"You mean it, just like that? You'll go with it; you'll try and accept your one of us?" Marco looked slightly confused.

"Yes, for once I'll give it a shot. I can't promise that everything will be automatically better. I'm a really fucked up person. But if you guys can give me a little patience, I don't... I don't want to lose this. As stupid as it sounds, I haven't been here long, but I need this so much." Alexia closed her eyes, her voice sounding tired.

Marco grinned, slipping the oxygen mask that had fallen off, back on her face as she fell asleep. Marco turned around to face Thatch and Haruta, completely unaware they had answered, having a feeling they had heard everything.

Thatch had tears in his eyes while Haruta's face was plastered in a big grin. Marco shot them a deadly glance. If Alexia hadn't needed the rest, he would have thrown them through the wall for the intrusion.

Marco pushed them roughly out the door.

"She actually joined us?" Thatch grabbed Marco's purple jacket excitedly.

"You knew she would." Marco rolled his eyes.

"It was such a beautiful moment though!" Thatch exclaimed with tears still coming out of his eyes, Haruta nodding his head in agreement.

"Marco!" Whitebeard's voice echoed through the ship. Marco made his way quickly to where his father was sitting on deck.

"Yoi, pops." Marco greeted casually.

"How is my daughter faring?" His face looked grim; his eyes filled with concern.

"She will be fine, she just needs some time," Marco reassured, "She needs to grow some more confidence in herself. She still believes she doesn't belong her, like she is unworthy."

"Of course, she is worthy! She is my daughter after all. What a foolish squirt." Pops laughed.

"Maybe," Jozu approached them, "We need to get her more adjusted to fight, specifically the Navy."

"She's not..." Marco was cut off.

"She doesn't have a choice Marco," Jozu said sternly, "Fighting Marines is just a common part of our lives. If she can't adjust to that, and fast, she won't survive out here. No matter how much you believe we can protect her. There's going to be moments where she is on her own, and if she can't fight, she'll die."

"She needs a weapon." Curiel smirked at the two.

"I will gladly teach her the art of swordsmanship!" Vista declared!

"I'm sure she will find a weapon that suits her!" Whitebeard laughed, "Marco, son, they are correct, we must teach her to defend herself, even from her demons. She will not make it any other way."

"I get it, I do." Marco ran his hand through his hair, sighing in defeat, "But we can't just force her face first into it. She needs to take it gradually, if she doesn't have time to adjust, she could have another episode like today. You need to remember she has PTSD yoi. That isn't something you can recover from overnight."

"We will all help with anything she needs. But I think you should be in charge of her training." Izo spoke up, "Perhaps taking her when you scout the islands could help. That is your division's specialty after all, and if she remains in your division, as we believe she will; she should develop the skills to do so."

"That only makes sense. Let's take it one step at a time though, we can't even do anything until she's out of the medical bay." Marco waved his hand dismissively, walking away, seeking some much needed rest.