Plague of my Mind

I try not to stop and think….I’ve always been like this. My thoughts are my enemies. They swarm in my head like bees waiting for the optimum time to attack. At first they began as simple ideas or merely unexpected dreams but then gradually, they began rotting in my head, over time plaguing my mind. They possess me, they control me and now, they are me. To try take my mind off my thoughts is impossible, they will not let me. They want to see me crumble, they want to see me die on the inside and to fail at life.

My granddad always told me, failure is the one of the greatest things in life as it helps us appreciate our times of success. I always marvelled at this idea but now I can’t see past this bitter present. People always tell me there is a light at the end of the tunnel but they don’t know that I’m waiting on that train to come and end it all, in complete darkness and kill these thoughts. I hear you ask, how can a person be so be troubled and lost and I myself struggle to answer this question.

I think to myself about a cold winter’s night of two years ago. I stood breathless above a body, a body with its last bit of life draining from it. I was always fascinated with death, to see people die caused such excitement, an ecstasy to flow all around my body. A tear rolled down my eye and fell onto the blood soaked ground that surrounded her body. I loved her so much. She was the world to me, I think I loved her too much. I didn’t want to end her life but I couldn’t stop myself. 

Am I a twisted and psychotic human being? I suppose you could say that. I would never like to see myself as being evil, I think that would be unfair. I would describe myself as being misunderstood. I have always loved the beauty of life since my youth, I used to love people and let them into my heart. Ignore all your first preconceptions of me, I am a nice person. I try my best to help people but sometimes a desire deep inside wont let me love people anymore. I like to see this desire as my alter ego, yes he is murderous and ruthless but are we not all allowed to be who we want to be in this world?  

I call him Arthur. He only speaks to me sometimes. He tells me my thoughts are healthy. He is the only person I can trust anymore. So I wait in patience for Arthur to decide my next move……

Hiya Guys

Its been one year since I last updated :O *bows head in utter shame* but im looking forward to getting back into writing. This is a new story I have started out of nowhere and I’m love with it because its going to be all twisted and scary and perhaps you may never know a bit romantic :P I really hope you all like the sound of it and if not tell me :) Comments and votes are much appreciated :D see you soon :)

I will upload Part One when this reaches 200 reads and 50 votes :)