𝗜𝗡𝗖𝗢𝗥𝗥𝗘𝗖𝗧 𝗗𝗥𝗔𝗥𝗥𝗬 ━ book one

c.

draco malfoy being draco malfoy

"if you’re going to get in trouble for hitting someone, might as well hit them hard."

“fuck you and your formal attire. obviously mine is better.”

“most owls can turn their heads 270 degrees in both directions. this owl can fuck itself in all directions.”

“he’s got a stick so far up his arse you can see it when he yawns.”

“explain, and do it carefully or you might find yourself being throttled to death.”

“i always have a note in my pocket saying ‘harry did it’ just in case i get murdered because i don’t want him to remarry.”

“i’m a demanding lover, potter. i require care and attention 24/7.”

“THAT’S THE PROBLEM, PANSY. MY EMOTIONAL BARRIERS ARE DOWN, AND I’D LIKE THEM BACK UP THANK YOU VERY MUCH.”

"are you even listening to me? because i'm starting to get the feeling that the echoes off the wall are giving me a more intelligent response."

"well spotted, harry. real sharp of you to notice, ten points to gryffindor for a rare display of brain waves."

"this is officially the worst disaster in the magical world. years from now they'll be teaching this as a case study of 'spells gone wrong' and they'll have the powdered remains of my skull as authentic artefacts."

"oh, of course, harry. i just casually poached a couple of your internal organs while you were asleep. only a kidney or two, hope you don't mind."

"i would kill you both right now if i did not have to drag and hide your bodies."

"careful not to choke on your stupidity there, captain."

“i would agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”

“i could devour a whole bowl of alphabet soup and spit out a better statement than that.”

“my moral compass is a fucking roulette wheel, thank you.”

“harry, love, do these trousers make my arse look big?”

“i want to see things from your point of view, but i can’t get my head that far up my arse.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T WEAR THESE TO WORK? I LOOK FUCKING BEAUTIFUL IN IT!”

“sorry, pans, i’m busy today. i have a mental breakdown scheduled at five.”

“it’s pointless to make fun of you ‘cause it would take the rest of the fucking day for you to figure it out.”

“i totally have a bigger arse than you do.”

“pansy, hold my earrings for me. i have a bitch’s body to hide.”

“a single walk in the woods for me is so relaxing. the fact that i’m dragging a dead body should be irrelevant.”

“get out, blaise. potter and i are going to have sex.”

“did you just say my fucking hair is bleached? honey, do you think bleach would ever produce such fine and silver blond hair like this? yes, that’s right, back away bitch.”

“harryyyy i neeeeed atteeentiooon”

“i love you too. what? no. i said you smell like a shoe. idiot.”

“whoa, it smells like bitch in here.”

“I DO NOT NEED READING GLASSES! MY VISION IS PERFECTLY FINE, THANK YOU.”

“wanna check out my peacock army at home?”

“pff, what makes you think i sleep with a stuffed lion? that’s a lie. you . . . you have a picture? can i . . . can i see?”

“i like being organised but i’M TOO LAZY TO BE ORGANISED”

“ME? BECOME A POTTER? I DON’T . . . actually, draco potter doesn’t sound too bad. where are the marriage papers?”

“please, i’m too classy to top. have you seen me? i have an aristocratic face, and this phenomenal arse. power bottom it is.”

“sweat? me, sweat? i don’t sweat. it’s disgusting, so i don’t do it.”

“i am the prince of destruction, death and . . . yeah, i’m a cuddler.”

“i do not blush. that is undignified and—POTTER AND I WEREN’T SPOONING!”

“if you win this match, potter, you can do whatever you want to me. are you daft? yes, i said whatever you . . . what? you want me to spend a night with you?”

“to be fair, professor, i’m not the one who decided to maul my own neck with hickeys. blame potter.”

“YES PANSY SHUT UP I HAD A CRUSH ON VIKTOR FUCKING KRUM ONCE BUT THAT WAS ONE TIME!”

“harry! harry! HARRY! do i look pretty?”

“pans, i need you to tell me your embarrassing sex stories so i can forget last night when harry stared at me and i waved.”

"someone just gave me a free cupcake. should i be worried?"

"pans, look how pretty my notes are! too bad i'll never study them."

"i might look chill and fine in class but i'm actually dying inside."

"when the professor shows up i'm gonna get up, make eye contact, then leave."

"shut the fuck up and eat your shitty frosted flakes."

"is it acceptable to throw myself out of the window after this is over?"

"i need more gay people in my life. i'm suffocating in straights."

"i think i'm just gonna sleep outside and let the snow bury me until i die."

"yesterday i got so drunk i told everyone i was lesbian."

"you have the right to remain silent because whatever you say next will probably be stupid anyway."

“FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, I DO NOT NEED READING GLASSES!”

────── ❦ ──────

a/n : hello, i love sassy draco sm.