ʙʀᴏᴋᴇɴ ✓

F I F T Y - T H R E E

Alexa

I took a deep breath and walked to Elliot's, Jackson's and Michael's table. The same table that I had sat at, once upon a time, when we were friends.

Today is Monday. It's been three days since Friday when I had self harmed. It wasn't a lot or big cuts, but I had still hurt myself. I didn't tell anyone about it. I didn't need to; it's in the past. I promised myself that I wouldn't hurt myself again, but there was still a part of myself that wanted to.

For a little bit, I had felt relief and euphoria, when I made myself bleed. It took away from my negative emotions. I don't want to again, but I don't know if that's such a good idea.

But anyways...

When I walked over to the table, Jackson glared at me, Michael looked at me sadly, and Elliot's expression remained blank. I felt my throat close up. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted my friends back, even if they didn't believe the words that had came out of my mouth on that fateful day that had ended our friendship.

"What do you want?" Elliot spoke up. His eyes and voice seemed emotionless, but I picked up on a little amount of hurt that he was feeling. I clenched one of my fists. If he was hurt, maybe he should have listened to me first...

"I want..." I started to say, looking between all three of them. My mouth became dry. I grew shy. I wanted to run away; I wanted to hide, be anywhere but here.

"We don't got time for this," Jackson grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "Hurry the fuck up before we just leave."

I flinched back, not liking the tone that he had used with me. "I miss you, guys," I confessed, feeling tears threaten to spill from my eyes. "I'm not a backstabbing friend, I promise. Please just listen—"

"We miss you too," Michael spoke up, interrupting me. Tears fell from my eyes as I looked at him. He was smiling, but it was sad. My whole body shook. I wanted to hug Michael.

"Speak for yourself," Jackson said, rolling his eyes and leaning over Elliot to punch Michael in the arm. "Have you forgotten what she's done?"

"Have you forgotten that Alexa is our friend and we should listen to her?" Michael shot back.

"Was our friend," Elliot said before Jackson could reply to Michael. He stood up, looking at me. His expression was cold and detached. "She's not our friend anymore." Elliot was looking at me, but had said that to Michael. Then he said this to me: "We want nothing to do with you anymore. Just leave us alone."

My lip trembled, tears pouring from my eyes.

"You tell her, El!" Jackson encouraged.

"Don't call me that," Elliot said, sitting back down.

I looked at Michael, to see if he was still on my side, but he simply avoided looking at me.

I wiped my eyes and tried to stop the tears from falling some more.

I turned and ran. I may have just lost the only friends I've ever had for good.

"Alexa!" I hear.

When I left the cafeteria and entered the hallway, I stopped. I turned to see Ryder rushing toward me. Blake and Ethan were following behind him, unfortunately.

"Y-yeah?" I said.

"Have you been crying?" Ryder asked worriedly. "What happened?"

I stared at him. I knew my eyes must have been red and puffy, but at this point, I didn't care if these guys saw me in this state. This was my least concern.