I am...

1

                "La la da da," I finish off the song as the couple in the center of the dance floor moves in for a second loving kiss. My heart is squeezed by an invisible hand but I keep my lips plastered with that fake smile as the audience applauds. I can barely hear the stage manager telling me though the head piece to take my break for the next act. I curtsy and step off the stage and run past all the congrats to my dressing room before I sit down to let the tears flow. The weddings were always the hardest... especially on their anniversaries... Why did have to be June 5? Why today?

            I look up into the mirror and stare into deep green eyes, my father's eyes. At least part of him can live on in me undamaged by the fire...  With a sigh I start fixing my make up and auburn hair to cover up the fact that I've been crying. I walk out of my room and to the empty bar where my best friend stands polishing already shinning glasses.

            "Fancy a drink Miss Hart?" his says.

            "You may be able to fool the other girls but I already know you'll spike it," I say with a wink.

            "Oh, come off it," Neilly replies. He had already started mixing some concoction of juice so I just let him. We had been friends since we were Nines and so now being Fourteens, we have to work and he got a job at Club Racoo after the manager heard me singing on the street and picked me as his new entertainer. When I was younger Neilly was my safe zone when things got crazy at my house, and when my father died.

            A young boy, who seems to be a Fourteen to walks up and flips a coin to Neilly who catches it easily. "Surprise me," he says before sitting a seat down from me. He turns to look at me gazing at me with brilliant blue-green eyes and says, shaking the hair out of his eyes, "You're that singer... Reelly was it?"

            "Rielly, and who may I ask are you?" I give him my hand and he gently brushes his lips against my knuckles.

            "Cleon, Cleon Reefe." So the bride's brother...

            "Well tell your sister I'm happy for her," I mumble back as Neilly slams our drinks down in front of us, splashing Cleon with... Whatever is in his glass? I gulp mine down and stare into the empty glass. Neilly doesn't bother taking it away, just fills it up again with cherry juice this time. He knows what day it is. On the other hand my new 'friend' Cleon does not.

            "So how long have you been working here? I haven't seen you here before," he says trying to strike up a conversation. I can feel Neilly staring daggers at the poor kid.

            "Since last week," I manage to mumble.

            "Oh, well you're pretty good."

            "Pretty good, she's brilliant!" Neilly exclaims setting down a shot glass in front of me and I realize I'm done with the cherry juice.

            "I didn't mean she was bad," Cleon whispers.

            "It's okay, it's just a sensitive day for me and Neilly's just protecting me," I tell him and Cleon shoots me a weird look. "No! Not like that it's just a bad day."  Cleon nods. I drop my head on my arms folded on top of the bar.

            "Are you done for the night?" Neilly asks, polishing another glass. I nod. "Want me to walk you home now?"

            "No," I say, standing up, "you need the extra money; I can make my own way home."

            "I'll walk her home!" Cleon almost shouts at me. Neilly gives him a dirty glare before turning around.

            "I don't want to be trouble..."

            "No, no trouble at all," Cleon says, and lowers his voice, "Besides I'm not a party person." He winks. I sigh.

            "Okay," I mumble grabbing my coat from behind the bar and walk out the door with Cleon trailing behind me while I feel the daggers of Neilly's stare slicing through my back.

~*~

            "...and so that's why all my father's kid's names have to start with C!" Cleon finishes just as we reach the hut my family and I call a home. I laugh as we say our goodbyes.

            "Thank you for walking me home it was very kind of you Cleon. Thanks, goodnight," I say and turn to walk to the door.

            "Rielly," something in his voice makes me turn around when he whispers my name. When I do, his lips meet mine and he cradles my face in his warm hands. After a few seconds of this he breaks away and stares at me like he can't believe like he really just did that, then he smiles and runs off, vanishing into the dark street. I go inside and collapse in my bed thinking.

            I stare at my ceiling for hours listening to my family's even breathing, trying to figure out how I recognize Cleon's face and why his kiss had felt so familiar. And just before I drift off into sleep I can see a boy with blueish-green eyes and freckles staring at me through brown strands of hair dressed in a First Founders outfit.

~*~

            Sunlight poured in through the only open window and woke me. Judging by the position I was about one o'clock, slightly earlier than my usual time. I sit up and try to remember my dream from last night but I can't. All I know is that Cleon was in it. Cleon... I fall back into my sheets with a sigh. Who the heck was he to kiss me last night! I didn't even know him; I had just met him that night so why I do feel as if I've known him all my life?

            "You're finally up!" Vienna shouts jumping on my bed. She was the second oldest but she was only an Eight, in her second year at school. She was the only other one of my siblings that would ever remember Papa. Vienna was the perfect picture of my mother except for her eyes that were just like mine, her skin was absolutely flawless and her lashes were a mile long without the makeup I had to wear for my shows. Her green eyes sparkled with tears through her blond bangs as she sat down next to me. "Mama had a bad night last night. She broke the picture frame again."

            "I'm sorry V," I say pulling her close as I sit up. "Is the glass still on the floor, did she hurt Mags or Trey?"

            "I swept up the glass last night and put Papa's picture in a spare frame. I heard you had a wedding last night."

            "You've always been my little helper," I reply, "but yes, I had a wedding last night."

            "Was it hard?"

            "Yes. It's gotten better though V, we have to be strong, that what he would have wanted."

            "Okay, well I'll make breakfast real quick for you. Do you have delivery today?"

            I think for a moment before answering, "No I don't but I'm going to head over to Neilly's house for a while do you think you can make sure Mom's okay?"

            "Yeah, of course!" Vienna says before walking into the next room. I walked to the only closet where my whole family's clothes were and grabbed a pair of tan pants, a green tee and my father's old leather jacket. I always wore the jacket because it made me feel warm and safe.

            When I was just a newly turned Eight my father died in a fire in our old house in City 183, we had the biggest house on the block but its not there any more. It had started in the kitchen because someone had left the burner on and a pile of rags was beside it. Papa had woken up Mama and me to get Vienna and Kara, my other sister, but I thought I had more time. While my pregnant mother ran to rescue Vienna I ran to the living room and grabbed pictures and coats then ran to our rooms and grabbed clothes. I ran out side to where my parents and one year old V waited. I set the stuff on the ground and collapsed panting and coughing, my lungs filled with smoke. My father had asked my where Kara was, I told him I didn't know and that she was probably still in there. Before my poor mother could stop him he ran inside. Neither my two year old sister nor my father made it out, and it was all my fault.