After about a month of cutting, bullying, child abuse, and lack of sleep, I decided I was done. I remember very clearly my first suicide attempt. It was November 15, 2018. I was at school that day. When the last bell rang, I went to the roof access. I didn't check to see if I was being followed, I didn't think anyone cared enough. When I reached the rooftop, the freezing air chilled me to the bone. It was snowing. I put my stuff down by the access door. Then... I jumped.
"No!" Erin screamed as she grabbed my arm. I tried to get free from her grasp, but failed. She pulled me back up on the roof. "Why!?" she screamed at me, but I couldn't hear her. I fell over and passed out.
I woke up in a hospital bed. "Wha-" I mumbled. "A-Alex?" A voice said beside me. I turn to look beside me and I see my big brother, Erin, and my father. "W-where am I" I ask weakly. "The hospital. You tried jumping off the roof." My father said. Once my eyes had focused, I looked at my father. What I saw amazed me. Was he crying? He was! They were genuine tears too. "W-why are you c-crying dad?" I asked extremely confused. "I was very worried, my son, why would you pull a stunt like that?" he asked me with real concern. "W-Why would you care? You've never noticed me anyways," I say sitting up, obviously upset. "That is untrue, I have just been busy." He says defensively. "Too busy to realize I was getting hit by mom, too busy to realize I was being physically bullied," I had started crying, "Too busy to realize I had stopped talking, too busy to realize I had started self harm? Wow what an 'amazing' father!"
I realized what I had said. My father looked upset. "I-I'm so-sorry." I stuttered. He started walking towards me. I was prepared to get hit, but instead I was pulled into a hug. "I'm so very sorry Alexander." My father said as he hugged me. I hugged him back. The hug broke and I forgave my father in the end.
After the touching moment, I realized that Erin and Adrien were staring at me astonished. "He can talk?!" Erin asked surprised. "I knew he could talk, but he usually doesn't around anyone but me and me alone." Adrien said still in shock himself. "Wait why?" She asked. "Actually I don't know." he says, looking at me. While they were talking, I realized what I had done and quickly shut my mouth. I started looking around for my whiteboard. "What you are looking for, buddy?" My father asks me. I do a writing sign in the air with my hands. "Oh! That's right you usually use a whiteboard to talk, don't you?" He asks. I nodded. "Here you go Alex," Erin said as she handed me a whiteboard, "You dropped it before you... You know." I give a fake smile then write, "Thanks, Erin." Adrien looked a little upset when I smiled. Does he know the difference? I wanted to test my theory. I fake smile again and Adrien lost it. "Stop it Alexander, just stop it!" He yelled. He was standing up at this point. I was a little startled by his sudden burst of anger. I didn't realize I was crying until Erin said something about it. "Adrien, you made him cry." Erin said full of concern. "I'm sorry, but I must continue, Alex stop with your fake smile. We can all tell the difference Okay? You're not fooling anyone with it." he said clearly upset. "Okay." I wrote down.
We got checked out of the hospital. I was terrified to go home. "Adrien, does mom know what happened?" I write. "Yes she does, but don't worry lil' bro dad and I will handle her." Adrien said confidently. I 'smiled' and got a dirty look from him. "What did I say about that?" he said with a frown. I looked down. We got home, and started looking through my stuff. "Where is it?" I mumbled to myself quietly. "Looking for something?" Adrien asked. He was right outside my door. "N-no, just... U-Um doing something." I say nervously. He held up my pocket knife, "You sure?" He asked, I sighed. "Look Al, we are doing this because we care okay?" He said. I didn't answer him. I heard the door close behind me. I completely break down crying. All of a sudden I'm pulled into a hug. "Please don't little brother, I'm here." Adrien said. He never left? I was crying till I passed out from exhaustion.
I wake up to arguing. I got dressed and walked out of my room. It wasn't long before I was stopped by my brother. "Go change into a short sleeve shirt, and give me all your hoodies." He said in his alpha voice. I couldn't resist him even if I wanted to. He used his Alpha voice, omegas have to listen to Alphas and Betas. So I went to grab my hoodies and change my shirt. I gave my hoodies to Adrien and started to walk away. "hold on, two more things. I need to change the bandages on your arms and at school you must stay and talk with Erin." Adrien says stopping me in my tracks. "W-why do I h-have to t-talk to h-her?" I stuttered. "Two reasons, first you need to be able to talk to people other than me and dad. Second, it will help with your stutter" he says proudly. "F-fine," I sigh giving in.
"Hi Alex." Erin said excitedly. "H-hi E-Erin." I say nervously. "Yay, you're not using your whiteboard!" She said excitedly. "O-only for you, t-though." I say embarrassed. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the boys that always beat me up. "S-so s-see you in c-class, E-Erin." I say as I walk away. "Okay, bye Alex." She said as she skipped away. "Hey freak." one of the boys said.
I was thrown into a brick wall and was on the ground. "Loser, just die already." another boy said. He picked me up and slammed me on the ground again, making me hit my head. I was blacking out. Everything was just one big blur.
I woke up and everything was dark. "Alexandar?" I heard a voice say. I couldn't see so I had to speak. " H-hello? W-who's there?" I ask, terrified out of my mind. "Can you see who I am?" they asked. "N-no, who are you?" I ask scared. "I'm your father." He says, worry thick in his voice. "I'm here too, Al." I heard someone say. This time I knew who it was. It was Adrien. He sounded so sad. "His sight will return in a day or so." someone said. I assumed it was the school nurse. I was sent home early." Adrien, please take help Alexander to his room while I take care of your mother." My father says to Adrien. "Yes, sir." he says as he grabbed my arm lightly.
"How are your eyes doing, Al?" Adrien asks me about an hour after we got home. "A b-bit b-blurry but b-better." I mumbled. "That's good, do you want to try to walk around by yourself?" he asks me. "M-maybe a little l-later." I say quietly. He sighed, "alright, you have to try eventually." We could hear screaming. It was worse than this morning. "H-hey Adrien?" I asked. "Yeah, what do you need?" He replied. "c-can I have one of m-my hoodies, p-please?" I ask nervously. "Why?" he questioned. "T-they make me f-feel safe." I stuttered. He sighed and got up to leave. He came back moments later. He had something black in his hands. Could it be my hoodie? "Here you go." he says as he threw the black object at me. "T-thanks big b-bro!" I say happily realizing it was my hoodie.
