-A letter, I shouldn't have 'posted/ sent/ written' at all.
Hey, Problem.
You will probably ask, "Why, a problem?" Well, why not? How exactly am I not suppose to call you the problem when you poured the whole goddamn universe upon me? You are just like a meteorite shower, beautiful yet deadly.
Beautiful in a way that you make things so easy. You make it so beautifully easy to love myself with all my complexities and to love you with all your layers. I don't exactly know your behavioural alignments. You portray yourself to be difficult
to handle, but then, you still make it easy for me, easy enough to understand those alignments, believe in them and love them as they stand. It's truly beautiful for me to exist in this same timeline
as yours. I could have existed in the 1800s with no 'you'. But see, I'm here with 'you'. Isn't that how this multiverse exists? With multiple possibilities but also with multiple miracles and beauties? Well, you're definitely one of them. :))
Now, why deadly?
It's like the world plays some teasing games with us. It lures us with things that we can't preferably have. And thus, you are the world's bait for me amidst all temptations. It's hard to reconcile with some things
sometimes. It's hard to love and keep believing in love when you know it's not going anywhere. When you realise that you're stuck with a bait
somewhere, thats where exactly it gets deadly.
I don't understand this one thing, how can I miss your touch so bad when I never met you? Maybe, come see me once?
I know I never had you; I also know I'll never have you. But then, it suddenly feels so heavy to breathe with the thought that I had been wrong with feelings. I had been wrong when I told myself that
it was okay to feel this way because its gonna fade anyway. Why haven't it faded yet? Why does this thought makes me feel sick? As if I'm about to
vomit my intestines out. Is this what people call 'lovesick'? Is this that feeling? I'm not sure.
I'm sure about one thing that all the beauties of this world have to end someday; and love is its number one priority. Because no matter how
deep you fall, you'll always look up for rescue. The fault is not how we love, the fault is how this world sets its baits. And I understand
well that we aren't the saints who never fall into traps. We do fall into traps. I fell into yours, without regrets.
Maybe at some point in life I'll look back and say, "I wish I had him" and I believe saying that will always be better than saying, "Damn, I lost him."
I guess how I'll deal with denial in this perpetual world.
Maybe thats how the world works, maybe that's exactly why I need to call the world
as the problem. But for now, you are the problem, my problem.
-Pahi.
