In the dark

0.7 if the world was ending

"Look at you, you're so fat! Has anybody told you you look like a pig!!!"

You're so ugly. Even makeup can't hide the flaws"

"You aren't worth anything!"

I woke up panting, gasping for air. I put my hand on my forehead and realised I was sweating. I pushed my hair to the said and my face on the palms of my hand groaning.

Ugh not the nightmares again.

I tried to fall back asleep but I couldn't. So I decided to go to the kitchen and get a snack. As I went outside and looked at the clock, I realised it four in the morning.

I took some chocolate ice cream and a spoon and went sit at the balcony.

The New York view with cold air breezing on my face. This was truly the best thing ever. I felt calm. At peace. Like I was in my own world and nothing was wrong here. Everything was fine, peaceful and calm.

After a few spoons of the ice cream I still felt restless so I decided to go in my room and sit in front of the piano.

I started playing random keys just hoping that the music would calm me down.

My music has always been my cure at everything. I wasn't very good at expressing myself in words, but whenever I was writing a song, the lyrics would just come out naturally.

I had this thing. Whenever I felt a new feeling I hadn't felt before, I would write a song about it so I could always remember how that feeling felt.

That nostalgic feeling. When you have already felt it but you fell it again and it brings back all of the memories.

Some good, some bad.

But all of them have a story in them. A lesson. Mistakes you did. The right things you did. And when you look back and wish, oh I wish I did it differently.

I wish I had stood up for myself.

As i started coming up with random lyrics, my mind went to Nate. That day outside of the studio, something was different. He looked, almost vulnerable.

He was such a mystery to me. He never gave any information about his past or his family in any of his interviews except his mom.

But there was one thing sure. He was known for being a player.

Every week he would be caught with a different girl. He had dated many celebrities including Heather Britt. She was the most poplar female artist of this year.

They dated for a couple of months before she left him because he was caught cheating. Disgusting.

Love.

Growing up I was taught love is something you feel towards something or somebody.

There are two kinds of love, the family and friends love and the romantic kind of love.

I've never felt the romantic kind of love.

I wanted to know what it felt like. The books I've read and the movies didn't give me the perfect explanation I needed.

What does it feel like to only think about that one person. Like you think about a hundred thoughts and they are ninety nine.

Wait. That's a good lyric.

'I think about a hundred thoughts and you are ninety nine'

I immediately wrote down that lyric in the notes section of my phone.