The End of Aria

Chapter 1 - Intruders

Sometimes when I lie awake at night, and my mind begins to wander, I question why anything ever mattered. It seems like everyone else has their own preoccupations. They all run around, day and night, and for what? Their own satisfaction? To look at themselves at the end of the evening and be able to live with the person they see on the other side of the mirror?

I digress, it's different when you have someone to live for. Someone with whom to share the fruit of your labor. Someone who you can turn your head to when the sun starts to sink and say, "Look at us! Isn't this great?" Even if there are no romantic feelings present, it's still better to have someone than having no one at all.

To a single mother and her child, it is "us against the world." As with two best friends who have known each other for years. Both have the blessing of being able to laugh and reminisce over the whims of yesterday. Even a sister with her brother knows that despite their quarrels, he will always be there in her time of need.

And yet... Why am I here? Why am I cursed with the kind of loneliness that leaves you struggling and stranded with a hole in your heart? With the kind of sorrow that causes one to become bitter and upset with this cruel world? The same world that thinks not of our benefit, but of it's own selfish desires.

And why do I choose to keep pushing on? All this work that I have put in to be an independent being, is it worth it? Or will it leave me as spiteful as those who came before me?

"Intelligent," they said. "She has a bright future ahead of her." they all claimed.

At the age of 16, I graduated from highschool. At 17, I got my associates degree and now at 18 I've gotten into my college of choice. Every. Single. Application. I sent. Was accepted. What did they see in me that I can't see in myself? How could they know that they wanted me in the first place? Aside from my somewhat above average GPA, all I've ever been is ordinary.

Nothing more and nothing less. Even my motivations for coming this far aren't anything new or unheard of. As the daughter of no one knows who, I wanted to finally be able to do things for myself. Years of living in the foster care system and going from one house to another. Only to be as unwanted as I was in the last, has taught me a lot about myself.

For one, I don't want the attention. I don't want the pity party. And I don't even want to make a name for myself. All I want and all I've ever wanted is peace. But now that I do have it, now that I've moved out and started off on my own, things... are different.

I am alone.

No doting parents to go back home to during the winter, summer and spring breaks. No one who I could call "friend." And no one to remember my name once my time has passed.

Now I know how this all sounds. "Savi, you're being so melodramatic." you'd say. But if I'm being honest, that's how my life makes me feel.

At a big university no one has the time to give you a second glance. To everyone here, all I am is another passing face. Another scribbled name on the sign in sheet. And in my case, another starving student almost failing to make ends meet.

Sure, I have a roommate, but since day one she made it clear that her appearances in our dorm would be scarce. So in the end, I don't even have anyone to talk to when I'm bored or when all I need is a little company.

There are only two things currently holding me up. The few scholarships I was somehow able to nab and the student job I had to apply for at the campus library. All that my days consist of are cheap meals, shelving books and loads of studying. Which, let me preface this, none of it is that bad. Others have gone through much worse.

And I admit, I shouldn't be complaining. But it's hard for me to look at all I've done and see a significant reason for any of it. School is another means to an end. That's all. I couldn't say that I like myself enough to ever think that I was doing this for myself. Or for my future...