Forbidden Love🗡Assassin Series 8✔💯

Synopsis

Name: Mark Nixon

Age: 26

Birthday: August 3, 1994

Civil Status: Single

Nationality: American

Occupation: Hainsha Secret Assassin Agent

Position: Sharp shooter

Motto: "You can't go back and change the beginning but you can start where you are and change the ending."

🖤♥

"It's not about finding a person you can live with, It's the person you can't live without."
-Mark Nixon -

It's hard, and it hurts like hell. But we all have to do it.
I fell in love with the most amazing person, perfect in every way; and, as we all do, we fantasize. We create a future in which we see ourselves living our lives together, loving each other; we create a world in which our love is reciprocal. We imagine a walk in the park, hand in hand, a quiet evening in front of the TV, lying in their lap, an embrace, a kiss, a laugh, a smile. And we want to believe it. We really do. We tell ourselves, This could happen, this really could and we continue creating a future that might never exist. We've got everything worked out. We've even got plan B's, plan C's, we have everything we need to make it happen.

Apart from them.

There comes a moment when you tell them how you feel. Then there's a moment; an infinite moment in which anything could happen, in which futures are made and destroyed and collapse in front of your eyes. The moment when you know that they don't feel the same way. This possibility you've constructed, this world you've created, this perfect, impossible dream of yours flies away. You want to hold on to it, but it's just out of your grasp; and once it's gone, you miss it.

You can miss something you've never had because you have had it; in a fantasy, long ago, that once seemed so close to reality.

-Mark Nixon -

🖤❤

Name: Sm Chancery

Age: 16

Birthday: September 11, 2005

Civil Status: Single

Nationality: Australian

Hobbies: Social media influencer

Motto: "You can't build a relationship on promises, you build it with love, determination, and trust."

🖤♥

"Together forever, never apart. Maybe in distance, but never in heart."
- Sm Chancery -

I often find myself at crossroads.
Hesitating. Questioning. Realigning my priorities.
What is it that I want? Who is it that I want ?

I say I'm tired of playing games with men. I've done this long enough to know exactly what I want - I want intimacy, I want reliability, I want good communication skills, I want someone who is sure of me, someone who will never make me doubt my worth.

Yet when this magical being comes along and ticks all these boxes, I can't help but back away, I can't shake this feeling that something is not right. No, nothing concrete that I could point out and say this is what I don't like about him it's just a feeling really. Logic tells me to give this person a chance, that maybe I'm just scared. He is offering you everything you said you were looking for - why do you not want him?

Apparently "because he wants me" is not the answer. That's hypocrisy, absolutely - I did say I was done with all the games. Why does 'I want you' feel so suffocating, like I'm trapped in a fairytale. Smiling, holding hands, slow-dancing with my Prince Charming while the outside world marvel in awe about how perfect we are. I'm afraid if I go into the dollhouse not feeling a 100% sure about us, I would end up just going through the motions like a puppet waiting to come to life, staying on and on just to please the spectators. Pretending that this doubt is just nerves or some deep-rooted attachment problem that I need to get over.

I mean, maybe, this is how healthy relationships work. Like a slow-burner of a song that becomes more and more enjoyable with time. Maybe there are no fireworks or explosions because he's leaving no room for confusion. Nothing he does is fuelling my car alarm of a heart to start beeping frantically. But I don't know love without those familiar tunes, I've kinda gotten used to singing along to them actually.

So this silence feels deafening. This feeling of calm is almost unsettling.

I can't I can't I can't
I can't trick myself into thinking he's the one,
I need to trust my gut !

But, what if my gut is wrong? And thirty years from now when I'm all old and wrinkly, I'll look back and regret not saying yes to the man who was willing to accept me and all my insecurities?

Tell me, am I being too greedy, wanting both safety and excitement, independence and commitment, everything altogether?

I just really don't want to settle. You're supposed to know when it's right, right ? Isn't my heart just supposed to do a dramatic click? Then again, how many times have I had that so-called click, that rush of adrenaline which keeps my heart thumping in anticipation of the next time I see them ? How many times has that click dissipated as quickly as it escalated ?

I'm starting to think butterflies aren't as magical as my 16 year old self would have liked to believe. All this biological knowledge of neurotransmitters and reward pathways is messing me up.

I can't trust my gut anymore.
I can't let myself give anyone a chance,
I can't let myself not give anyone a chance.
I pray for certainty, someone to shine a bright light at these crossroads and guide me through.

Isn't it a bit ironic though ?

How i really wanted someone who was sure of me, Yet I'm not even sure about what I want.

What if I'll never be ? where do I go from here?.

-Sm Chancery -

♥♡♥

"You can't build a relationship on promises, you build it with love, determination, and trust."

💃MahikaNiAyana