Between Footsteps| p.jm

NINETEEN| .-- .- - -.-. ....

"We should be practicing more you know," Jimin scolded lightly, not so focused on his own words as he continued to sort through the Polaroid pictures in his hands. You made a face that he couldn't see and kept your eyes closed.

"Sorry," you spoke with a small sigh, pursing your lips as you focused on his closeness and the fatigue in your mind. "I guess I just... sort of don't have any motivation."

You were both sitting on his bed back to back as you used him to prop your tired body up and he allowed your closeness as he organized his pictures. He hummed and the warm trill vibrated a bit through his form against your back. 

His newly dyed hair smelt faintly of chemicals, but it wasn't unbearable. You found his new black-haired appearance refreshing after the long time it had been silver. 

Jimin stilled in thought as he stopped focusing on the pictures and your words fully washed over him. No motivation? But of course you didn't have any. By now, you were off put by the thought of memories entirely, even what was supposed to be the enticement of picking whatever one you wanted.

In fact, Jimin noticed some days you didn't even collect your paycheck. 

The only reason you had agreed to dance again was because of the perks it would bring regarding configuring the Between. Now... well, things were a bit different.

You had decided to chill out after the escapade behind the curtain and the configuration of what the final show really was. It had been three days, and although you and Jimin had talked about it a little just for the sake of resolution... you had had a hard time bringing it up again.

"So... about the curtain and stuff... was it... what you wanted to find? Do you feel less scared? I know it was bothering you a lot so-"

"It's fine, I'm OK now and I uh, I know everything so... yeah."

"Right. Then... no more sneaking around?"

"Yeah, no more. I think I'm done with that."

You didn't like thinking about it. It only made your head hurt and the constant feeling as if you were missing something worsen. So, you avoided all feelings and remaining unanswered questions for both your sake and Jimin's. 

It had been thrilling to feel as if you had had a partner in crime, but the truth was that Jimin hadn't been completely on board with the idea in the first place and you had felt his fear when the two of you were behind the curtain.

He was afraid of having his number jumped and missing out on... well, possible time and memories. Now you figured maybe he was right all along to have felt as if it was best to leave things alone. You didn't want to force him into situations that were beyond his comfort level, and you continued to feel guilt remembering his fear.

Your own emotions were consuming, and you no longer wanted to pull Jimin into them.

You felt like you were apart of a hopeless cycle you could do nothing about, and this thought penetrated your mind like bullets. Chasing answers had only opened wounds you hadn't even known existed, so now, you were done.

So what if the ringmaster was taunting you? So what if you were starting to have weird dreams? Did it really matter? At the end of the day, you would be faced with a decision like everyone else, and one you didn't yet know the answer to. 

Every night, you now spent as much time as possible with Jimin. You weren't as upbeat as you usually were and you knew that, but regardless you still just wanted to... be around him. At times, you saw 19 in the corner of your vision after hours making his way towards the main tent in order to send the message to his children.