My Hairy Love Story

What is My Hair To Me?

When you ask me about my hair, I will be the first person to tell you it is the one thing that gives me confidence, I was born a true, Scandinavian blonde, it was always long and so blonde it was pretty much white, but super thin, I was a tiny child with a lot of health problems so it made my hair super thin, as I got older and healthier my hair become a darker blonde, with all shades of light beachy blonde to almost brunette streaks through it, it was so thick I grew it down to my lower back and for the first time in my entire life, people paid attention to me "oh my gosh, your hair is so beautiful!" I got that statement a lot at that point, my hair become my armor, I used it to hide my insecurities, my flaws, my acne, it was the one thing about myself I felt confident in...then came the day, not long before Thanksgiving, I decided to cut almost all of it off, for the first time in probably my entire life I loved what I saw looking back at me in the mirror, I was so happy skipping out of that salon, I couldn't wait to show my mom and sister...and bless their hearts, they smiled but I could tell they didn't like what they saw, that same blank stare with a forced smile became a similar reaction from everybody, I no longer got the same attention I used to get, I lost my armor, my shield, my faux confidence, there wasn't anything to hide behind anymore. Over the next year as I grew it back out, the attention and compliments came back, the blowing out of my hair to cover my acne, the high ponytail to make my eyes look bigger, I got my protection back, my safety blanket you could call it, it wasn't until I was walking through the Paramount Theatre in downtown Seattle when a random woman came up to me and said "you have the most beautiful hair" I smiled and thanked her, we talked about her sick husband back in Alaska, as I walked away and wished her well she called me a beautiful person...in that moment I realized, my hair that I've hidden behind for so many years, the comfort I found in it, the protection I got from it, the compliments and attention it gave me for my whole life wasn't as important as what's inside, people aren't drawn to me for my nice hair, they are drawn to me for my heart, the confidence that my Rapunzel styled hair I have is from everybody else, not from the girl staring at me in the mirror, that inner confidence came from that one day in the salon when I cut it all off.

So today when you ask me about my hair, what can I tell you? My hair isn't a wall of protection I use to find some kind of forced security in my appearance, my hair is my freedom to feel however I want to feel, whether it is just in a ponytail to go for a jog or curled to go dancing, long for the cold winter days or short in the summer breeze, my hair is an expression of who I am, who I wanna be, the fantasy I am living for the day, my hair is my freedom to feel comfortable in myself no matter what anyone else thinks because my hair doesn't make me who I am, I make my hair who I am.