The Sound of Falling

Chapter nine.

devil within by molee

I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love. - Marilyn Monroe

I woke up alone the next morning, feeling like absolute shit. I felt like I had to puke, my legs hurt and Blake wasn't here anymore. Where the hell was he? As I was thinking that, I heard a knock on the door. "WHAT for gods sake!" Blake entered. "Wow chill. I made you a cup of tea because I figured you wouldn't feel so well today." He smiled at me and I instantely felt better. "Thank you." I took the cup and smiled back at him. I thought about yesterday and suddenly I felt worse again. Not because of that dickhead Jonah but because Blake didn't want to kiss me. "Hey, what's going on?" He sat beside me with a worried expression. "Nothing I'm fine." He would have been really stupid to believe that. "Don't lie to me. You know what else is good if you've drank too much? Fresh air. Come on, get up, I know a spot or two." He lifted me up and forced me to get dressed. "Oh please don't I just want to lay here and die in peace." "You're definitely not going to die on me soooo." He was really stubborn and I didn't have a chance. "Well okay then get out and tell Ave to come here. I'll see you downstairs in 10 minutes. Oh and by the way, you're a pain in the ass." I blew him a kiss as he got out. I brushed my teeth, washed my face and threw on a black pair of jeans and a shirt. I was about to get my hair under contol as Ave came running in. "Oh thank god you're okay! I was so worried and I blamed myself to death for forcing you to go to that party! I'm so sorry I should've taken you home with me but you looked like you had so much fun! And I.." "Hey hey hey!" I had to stop her. "I did have a lot of fun and nothing happend. I'm fine, I promise!" I smiled at her to calm her down. "But Blake stormed out after I told him that you were still there. He didn't look happy at all!" "Well you know how he is. I need to teach him not to be so over-protective." I of cource played everything cool because she'd lose it if I told her what really happend. "Speaking of him, I have to meet him downstairs now. I'm sure I'll be back soon, call me if something's wrong." I kissed her on the cheek and went out of the room.

I shambled down the stairs, the sharp pain very prominent in my head. „God I hate it here" I sighed, pulling my sunglasses deeper in my face. „You can just call me Blake." what was his deal? „What?" I didn't understand a thing. „While I'm very flattered that you think of me as ‚god', I'm not really a child of Jesus though. So you can just call me Blake" he snickered. „I'm so not in the mood for that right now, tell me what you want to do or let me sleep." I was a bit harsh on him, considering he wanted to make me feel better. „Sorry" I whispered. „It's okay, I've had a hangover before. I've not been around for too long so I might not now the good spots around here but I found a few I like. So why don't you just follow me and give me your opinion?" he suggested. I just gave him a thumbs up because I felt as if I would had vomited if I had opened my mouth. Damn I thought it would take more than a few cups of liquor to make me feel this bad.

We were walking for what felt like hours but a quick look on my phone showed me that it had only been 23 minutes. While I was already sweating my boobs off Blake looked like he could walk for another 4-5 weeks.

"Are we there yet?" I whined. "Soon" he replied. We kept walking. And walking. And walking. "If i have to take another step I will puke. Just putting that out there." I felt sick. "Okay okay where here." He took a step aside and revealed what we were walking for for days it felt like. We were stood in front of a little lake surrounded by trees. I hadn't even noticed that we weren't in the city anymore. "Wow" I gasped. It was beautiful and intimate. "How did you stumble across this place?" I asked. "Well you weren't a big help at the beginning so I just started to walk in different directions until I landed here. And when you told me about the trip you had with your parents as a child I couldn't help but to think that you would love it here." He shrugged it off like this wasn't a big deal. It was massive for me though. The fact that he remembered every word I ever said to him and that he was thinking about it warmed my heart. "Why are you doing this?" A tear rolled over my cheek. "Why am I doing what? If tis is too much I'm sorry I just thought that you would like it so I tried to s.." "No." I interrupted him. "It's beautiful and it means a lot to me, you don't have to justify yourself. It's just that nobody has ever listened so carefully to my words and done something so meaningful for me." I meant what I said. Even though this didn't seem like much, for me it was. I turned around and looked at him in awe. What the hell was wrong with me? I knew him for two weeks now and I was already catching feelings like I never did before. "That right here is the bare minimum woman. What guys have you been going out with?" He joked. "None." I answered honestly. "I was never interested in guys and neither had the time to be. And no guy gave me the light of day either." I shrugged. "Was?" he asked. "Huh?" I asked back. "You said you never were interested in guys. Past tense." "Well things can change." I looked away. "Oh okay, that's good. Good for you."

We sat beside each other just looking around. I was looking at the lake, the trees, the sky. Trying to get rid of the warm feeling lurking in my stomach. I was scared. So scared about the way I was feeling and I definitely didn't want him to know. This would only get more complicated and I was sure that he didn't feel the same way about me. He probably just wanted to be nice as a friend, which was understandable. I recon he didn't have many of those. I knew what I needed to do, I had to step back a bit. We were friends. I didn't want to lose that.

We stayed like that for a while, a long while actually, until the sun turned the small lake a bright shade of orange. "We should head back." I suggested. I was thinking so much about my possible feelings that I forgot how hammered I was the night before. "Sure." We got up and started to walk back home. The tension was thick and we didn't talk. I was sure he felt that something was wrong with me but he didn't ask. As we reached the door I stopped in my tracks. He did the same. I didn't want this to be weird because he did nothing wrong so I put on my biggest smile and turned around. "Thank you for today. It was nice." Very polite of me. "No problem." Equally as polite of him. We went through the door and up the stairs before splitting our ways. I needed to sort myself out. I was alone in my room for a few minutes before Avery joined me.

"Hey B, I heard you two come through the door. Where is he?" Nosey much. But that was what I loved her for. "I don't know." I shrugged. "What do you mean you don't know? You were together the whole day, lovebirds." She wiggled her eyebrows. "Definitely not." I replied harsh. "Wooow why so offended?" 'I'm not." "Okay then." She knew when she lost the game. "But I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to." I softened my gaze and shot her a quick 'thank you'. "Do you want to tell me about yesterday? I didn't know you were such a dancing queen!" She chuckled. "Oh my god don't even remind me it was awful! But I devoured the opposing team in beerpong." "I could tell but where did you learn that?" "Raw talent." I replied and we both burst out laughing.

We spent the rest of the evening chatting about all kinds of things, there was just one topic that I avoided like the plague. We went to bed eventually and nothing of interest happened the rest of the weekend. I did the shopping list and Nathalie came to pick it up. Blake wasn't there to put anything on the list. I hadn't seen him or heard anything about him. Maybe that was what I needed to rearange my thoughts. Monday came and went, I went to work and back home. So did Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. Suddenly it was Saturday again. A whole week. It was a whole week of not seeing or hearing or touching him. Was he even home? I didn't know. I was curious though. I was on my way to therapy when shooting Avery a quick text 'Hey Ave quick question. Have you seen or heard anything of Blake? Asking for a friend of course.'

I got to my appointment and Mrs. Smith awaited me patiently. "Hello dear, long time no see, how have you been?" She asked that every time and every time I told her I was good. I wondered what would happen if I told her the truth for once. "I could be better." I replied honestly and I could see the surprise in her eyes. "Tell me more." She was hungry. So hungry for anything I gave her to feed on. I told her everything. About the gross man at my job, about being strangled and of course about Blake. "Oh Bella I believe that's the most you ever said in all those years of us meeting up. What do you need from me?" What a stupid question How was I supposed to know. "I don't know, answers? What is happening to me?" She smiled. "Love darling, love. That's what's 'happening' to you. You're talking of it like it's a bad thing." "Because it is! And for the record, it's NOT love!" I was offended. The one time I'm talking to her and she's telling me things I don't want to hear. "It's okay to feel things you know? It's good to feel."

We kept talking for a while longer and what she told me made sense, don't get me wrong. I just didn't want to hear it. She could've just told me that I had the stomach flu. Not feelings for a man I barely knew. She told me to 'just embrace it, love was a good thing.' And I actually thought about it. Why close up on him. Why not be normal. That was my plan. I wanted to talk to him after work today.

After I got home I got ready for work and headed out. Today was crazy at work, like most days. Saturdays were always good for my pocket. I made drinks, got hit on by old men and politely rejected flirting attempts. Everything went well until I saw a couple walking in from the corner of my eye and my stomach turned. It was Blake accompanied by a woman. A beautiful one at that. and my world crashed before my eyes.

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Hello, I'm back and ready for more.

Love, Raya