The Lost Bellator

Twelve

Somnum

They reached the base of the mountain a lot faster than Arlaige had expected. They passed the place where he had fallen into the water, and when he peered at it, he could see that the surface was smooth. There was no disruption of it, he couldn't even tell that he had fallen in it, but he could still feel the icy water washing over him, taking his breath away. He hadn't looked at it long.

The Bellator told him that they would begin the climb tomorrow, and he was glad of it. They had walked almost non stop for two days. She didn't seem to tire, but she also did not realize that Arlaige himself was human, and that he needed rest. He had to remind her sometimes that he needed to stop, and she would seem perplexed, but she had finally agreed to stop as the sun began to set.

Arlaige built them a fire, and like the others he had made, it did not grow smaller, or larger, it merely stayed the same, and it never went out. He eyed her a few times, looking for any signs of magic, but he could feel none. She would look around at the forest, or disappear at times, and she would remain silent.

"Did I make you angry?" He asked as they sat in front of the fire, a rabbit roasting over the flames.

She met his eyes over the flames. They seemed to dance in her eyes.

"No," she says simply. "I have not felt the need to talk."

He nods, but he was so curious about her.

"Will you tell me about yourself?" He asks quietly. "Your loves, your life. Family?"

Her brows furrowed. "Loves?"

He nodded. "You had to have lovers in the past, yes?"

Her brows were still furrowed. "No," she says. "No...I have never."

"Never? Have you just never met someone?"

"No, I have. I just..." She didn't seem to be able to find the words to describe it.

"Do you not...like people?" He says for her.

She sighs, and then nods. "I don't feel that way, the way you feel about others, I don't feel that. I don't want it, either. I have never wanted someone to love, or care about. It had always been me, and I have always been okay with that."

He nods in understanding. "That is alright. Though it would get lonely, yes?"

She shakes her head. "No, I find it comforting."

He could not understand that part. He had had lovers in the village, but none that stuck with him. He was taking care of his sister, and he hadn't ever had time to care for anyone else. It also did not help that he had begun to preach about the Bellator, that had driven most of his village away from him. He hadn't minded. He had Jorin, and Celia, and that was all he really needed. So, he supposed he did understand it, if only a little bit.

"Do you remember your family?"

She leans against a tree, tilting her head up so that she could look at the sky that broke through the trees.

"No. I do not think I ever had one. I know of legends of other of my kind, and some had families, but...I don't remember anyone loving me."

"I only have my sister," he says. "She is...not well. There is a sickness spreading through the villages. Some of us are immune, but she is small, not weak, never weak, but I think it made her susceptible to the illness."

The Bellator looks at him. "Do you think I am capable of healing her?"

Arlaige swallows. "I hope. I had hope to find you, and I did. I have hope that I can get my village to see who you truly are. And I have hope that you will find your true self once more."

"My true self?" She muses. "Am I not true now?"

He thought for a moment. "No," he finally says. "No, I do not think you are who you are, yet."

She shifted, and for once she looked uncomfortable.

"Why do you think that?"

Arlaige smiles. "You would not be in the mountains, away from your people, if you were your true self."

"I hardly think those contradict."

"Do they not? You are secluded with only yourself. You are not doing what you are meant to do."

Anger flashed in her eyes, but it quickly dissipated. She only settled her hands in her lap.

"And if I went, and they cast me out again? What then?"

He leans back against his own tree.

"I think that times have changed. I think that when they see what you have fought against, they will then truly begin to believe that you are good."

"And you? Do you think that I am good?"

Arlaige looked to the fire, having forgotten his rabbit there, but his mind was far away from the fire. He was in his own mind, searching, and wondering.

"I think that we all have demons inside of us, and we all have the ability to overcome them. But you...you think that you are the only one who has done bad. We are all victims of darkness."

She purses her lips, and then crosses her arms.

"Go to sleep," she says. "We have a long journey ahead of us."

Arlaige did not protest. His lids were already drooping, his eyes were burning, and he had lain down on his pelts, not even bothering to go to his tent. He did not feel the cold, he could only feel the warmth of the fire.

The Bellator sat, the fire crackling in her ears, and she turned to look at him. He was a boy, just a boy, and he had come all this way for a warrior who was no more. He had come all this way for someone who was lost.

He was strong, she knew that. He had found her, even though she had hid from him. He was persistent, and she had not seen the like of him in many years. He was strangely familiar to her, as if she knew him, but she knew that could not be true. Still, he was hardened by the world around him, the kingdom around him, the kingdom she had helped create.

He was strong. But she knew that could only get him so far, for he was also kind. He could not win a war with kindness. But he could win hearts. That much she knew.

"There is a kindness in your heart many wish to achieve," she whispers, her voice crackling like the fire.

"A kindness one seeks, but can never find. A kindness you can only find when you have seen death. A kindness you can only have when you have taken a life."

But Arlaige had already drifted off into his dreams. Dreams of a warrior vanquishing the king, dreams of a happy, healthy village, with his sister running around him. Dreams of freedom. He was lost in them, and her words slipped past his ear, for he assumed they were in his head.

"A kindness that only stays if you have guilt. A kindness that only heals when you care."