HYYH Notes 2

I Will Not Give Up

Seokjin
11 April Year 22

I opened my eyes again amid the pouring sunlight. The vision of ablazed container and dying Namjoon was still vivid before my eyes. I failed again. I covered my eyes with my arms and thought "What could I have done to save him?" In my head, I rewound everything that had happened on September 30. I had no emotions about it, and I didn't feel afraid or impatient.

Ever since the fire broke out at the container village, I had gone through countless time loops. But I still didn't know why the loop began from that moment or how to end it. More importantly, I still had no clues about the map of the soul which could end this time loop.

The map of the soul. The first time I heard it was after failing the loop several times. "Find the map of the soul. Then all this can end." "The map of the soul? What is that?" I pressed for an answer. But all I got were a few words. "I gave you a clue, so you should pay the price for it."

The gas station where Namjoon works began to be seen far away. I slowly pushed the turn signal and changed lanes. I thought about one thing only: "I have to prevent the accident on September 30 and end the time loop. That is the only goal I have. If something happens, someone gets hurt or left behind, there is nothing I can do. If I worry or fret about that, I won't realize my goal. What is more important than saving everyone is that at least I have to come out of this alive." This was the lesson I learned from the endless timeloop.

Taehyung
11 April Year 22

"Namjoon, was it our choice to have become what we are now or•••."

Namjoon and I were standing in a narrow alley somewhere in Songju.
The streetlights flickered on and off ominously over the wall painted with my graffiti. Seokjin's face I'd drawn on the wall in the morning — his slender face, silent lips, hair ready to crumble into dust, and empty eyes.

I had a nightmare last night. My high school friends were in it, and terrible and vicious things happened. And Seokjin was watching everything, stone-faced. I drew that grim face because otherwise I couldn't shake away the fear that filled my heart.

When I went to see Namjoon, he said something unexpected. "Seokjin is back." I swung around and looked at Namjoon. Was it a coincidence? The
last time I saw Seokjin was two years ago. I heard he went to the United States, and that was it. "Seokjin seems
to have changed much. I mean, his appearance is just the same, but something is odd. I can't really put it into words, but he seems as if something in him become undone and vanished." Hearing that from Namjoon, I grabbed his arm and ran into this alley.

Namjoon stayed quiet in front of my graffiti. He didn't really listen to my questions and didn't ask me why I didn't draw the pupils in Seokjin's eyes. Maybe because the face that Namjoon had seen on Seokjin looked like the face I'd drawn.

I said, "I was too scared to draw the pupils." I could clearly see Seokjin's face in my mind, including his pupils which were impossible to forget. But I didn't know how to draw them. His cold and indifferent eyes from which feelings like sadness or joy were completely evaporated. His eyes that seemed of so many colors, or all the colors meshed into one, or that seemed to have so many stories to tell but were unable to tell any. I grabbed a spray can again and again, but I couldn't draw his eyes.

"Do you know Seokjin's number?" Namjoon turned around and asked me why. "To ask him something." "About what?" "I don't know what, but I want to see him and maybe ask him." Suddenly, Namjoon's phone rang. "Why aren't you here yet?" It was Hoseok. He said Yoongi and Jungkook were waiting for us at the container. We left the alley as if we were running away.

Namjoon
11 April Year 22

At a distance, I saw the lights from the container. I walked in silence and so did Taehyung who was walking behind me. Nobody told us to, but we both walked slowly. As if we were going in the wrong direction, we kept looking behind us. We slowed down more as the lights got closer.