HYYH Notes 2

The Surface of Reality and the Other Side of the Dream

Jimin
21 July Year 22

Namjoon and Hoseok were caught up in the whirlwind brought on by the redevelopment news. We tiptoed around each other, unable to say a word about it. In reality, the map of the soul sounded more preposterous. But I kept thinking about it and wanted to find out more about it.

When I left the practice room, I saw the road sign for the Gyeongil Hospital. It was ten minutes walking distance. With my hands in my pockets, I walked looking down. Not on purpose. But I looked up and saw my reflection in a shop window; I looked like a boy walking with stooped shoulders or an old man without a hope or will to live.

The man's name was Woo HyunSung. He must've been my dad's age, but I couldn't be sure. He kept saying, "The map of my soul was wrecked."

Hearing that, I used to wonder if the map of my soul  was also wrecked. Were the people locked up in the ward because the map of their soul was wrecked and they no longer knew which direction they should be headed or what choice they should make?

Yoongi
21 July Year 22

I saw Jimin walking by himself during a break at the construction site. Surprised by how I looked, Jimin asked me, "What are you doing here?"

"Making a living." Looking all dusty and sweaty in my work clothes must've seemed as unfamiliar to Jimin as it did to me.

"Are you okay? Is something up with you?" Jimin asked cautiously. "Do I look okay to you? It hurts everywhere." "Then why are you•••." Jimin didn't finish. "What can I say••• Would you understand if I said this is something I have to go through?" Glancing back and forth between me and the building in the middle of the construction site, Jimin simply looked baffled.

"You're going to go by yourself?" I asked when Jimin said he was on his way to the hospital. "We can go together tomorrow." "He has outpatient sessions only on Fridays. Today is Friday, so I have to go now." "You sure you'll be okay? Call me when you're done. I'll be waiting for your call."

I watched as Jimin headed to the hospital. Because he knew I was watching him, he held his head up and shoulders straight, and strutted on purpose. I wondered if he'd be okay. He had been locked up there for a long time. He pretended as if it didn't bother him, but I knew it was not an easy decision to make.

Jimin
21 July Year 22

Woo HyunSung did not show up until the waiting room monitor showed the end of sessions for the day. The outpatient waiting room became empty in no time. Had he gotten better so that he didn't need to see a doctor anymore? What should I do then? There was no alternative. I headed to the front door, and as I turned, I saw the side hallway. The hallway I'd run down to escape from this hospital. I slowly walked toward it.

I saw the kitchenette and the emergency staircase; in three more steps would be the end of the hallway. The imaginary line I'd drawn was gone. There were only the plain tiles you saw every day. I push opened the door and came out. There was an alternative. The road to an alternative was there.

I walked back into the hospital and headed to the off-limits ward. I took deep breaths. When the elevator was going up to the eighth floor, I got all tensed up and couldn't breathe well. Was I really okay? I hadn't had a fit yet, but it'd been only two months. The hospital was still a place of fear, not to mention the off-limits ward. The elevator stopped at the eighth floor.

There was no one at the entrance to the ward. To get inside, I had to pass through three iron doors. Without a permit, they didn't let anyone in. I had to wait for someone I knew to come out or go in. Since l knew all the nurses and employees at the ward, I didn't think it would take too long. Taking a deep breath, I Ieaned against a chair. This isn't bad. I can do this, I thought to myself. And time simply passed.