Icon of the Indecisive #3 of 3 (COMPLETE)

Chapter 18

These are not my feet, again. Oh well.

These feet that are not mine, they are taking slow and gentle steps up a staircase made of stone. It's cold, not just because of the stone, but because of the water bubbling up and swirling from every crack and gap. My feet are submerged to my ankles.

I look out and all I see is water. I look up and all I see is this stone structure.

I follow the steps. I touch my hair. It is short this time, close to my head. This goddess probably looks amazing with it anyway.

I am trying not to be bitter jealous.

At the top of staircase is nothing—and then, falling.

It's a slow fall, too slow to be anything gravity is helping along with. It ends when I drop into a pool, up to my waist, and lightly splash in it.

She doesn't seem to be bothered by this, so I pretend I'm cool as well.

When the water calms I realize that someone is looking at me.

It's Diego.

Only it's not Diego, at least, this person in front of me doesn't have his face. It's Diego but with a bulkier body, pale shiny skin, green eyes, flecks of gold in his hair.

"You're not supposed to be here," he says, and I just know he's Diego.

I stand waist deep in cold water and face him. I notice the scars of war on his body, how he leans ever so slightly because he can't keep himself up. "How are you?"

He gets up from his stone seat and limps closer. His feet reach the rim of the pool I dropped into, and he splashes in. He is fluid when he does this, despite the limp.

He gets so near me I can see the layers of scars, one healing over another, and another.

"I'll get better."

"This is horrible and has gone on for too long. You can both end this."

I am participating in this scene without knowing the next line, the characters, and what the scene is about, but my mouth moves and the words come out. I wish I knew what they were talking about.

I think I would understand Diego and Quin more, if I knew why.

"He knows what it will take, but he's not willing to do it."

"You have made unreasonable demands and he won't just let you win."

"Then that's the problem, isn't it? He values his pride more than he wants you to think."

"It's not pride. It's love."

I'm close enough to see his eyes clearly, and there is anger still there.

"But maybe," I hear myself say, "Maybe if it weren't his deal to make."

Diego is intrigued. "Yes?"

My hands trace circles in the water. They ripple until they reach his body, an obstruction on their path. "What if I could offer you something. And you voluntarily end this."

"What are you willing to offer me?"

He smells like the sea. "What you want."

"Is it that easy?"

"I have terms. I want to be comfortable. I must have the right to be comfortable."

"And what will you give me, in exchange for this comfort?"

I see my reflection in the water. I see the face of this goddess for the first time.

"Control," I say.

* * *

Sharp pain, right underneath my stomach. From the outside in, and upward, jolting all of my insides several inches from where they should be. Or did that really happen? It felt that way. The first thing I thought about was maybe I was having a half-god baby after all, and it was exploding its way out of me.

But then it came for my arms.

I whimpered, and gasped, and kicked against my attacker except there was nobody there.

Hurting, my arms were hurting. They were being squeezed, a tight grip, and yet I remained in my own bed.

I scrambled to reach for my phone. Quin Quin Quin help I wanted to say, how do I get to that eternal space again shit shit—

Another pain, this time on my rib cage, and I cried out, a little louder this time—

Wait wait Tita Carmen I suddenly thought, and the instinct not to wake up my aunt came, not to have her run into the room and have to deal with this herself...she wouldn't have been able to save me anyway...

And then the pain was under my eye, and I couldn't even make a sound if I wanted to.

I coughed into my pillow and it felt wet against my face.

* * *

There was no pain when I woke up, so I thought I had one of those dreams/not-dreams again. I could have just chalked it up to a typical horrible Monday.

But there was blood on my pillow.

A big bruise on my cheekbone.

I took off my shirt and saw similar discolorations on my abdomen and arms.

I poked them. They didn't hurt. They didn't rub off either with soap and water and alcohol (tried that too). I checked my ribs and nothing felt broken, or sprained, but seeing myself in the mirror...

Should I even go to the hospital? I didn't know. I didn't think they'd be able to treat this kind of thing.

So I scrambled for my concealer and just put some on. Not very well, because I mysteriously didn't need the stuff anymore when I became Interim Goddess, so the one I had was probably a year old and a little dry. And I didn't have enough to cover my arms, so I just wore a shirt that had longer sleeves.

I tried to talk to Quin via that special telepathy thing, but it was probably hard to do when you were freaking out, which I was. I couldn't get into that zone. So I thought of calling, but I didn't know how to describe this, and worried that Tita Carmen would overhear, and I wanted to get out of the house before she saw me.

I sent a lowly text message.

Let's meet today? I think I need help.