When I was a kid, they won't allowed me to play.
I would ask them always, why but they won't tell me. Many doctor was always in our house, my mom would cry silently and my dad was comforting her.
I don't understand what is happening. All I know I have this sickness that heritable. Unfortunately , I got one, funny isn't it?
I took some test, laboratory, a white ceiling and all people are in white gown. Telling me I would be okay — be strong, your a brave soul to live in this world.
But my body that time, feel so weak. I felt the injections and the smell of medicine. I hate it. I was like, what? I was a kid back then, I don't understand what is really happening. I would tell myself if it was a dreamed or what?
A pain chest, I breathe slowly, breath in and out.
I don't know where to stop this feeling.
Their all protected when it comes to my health — a illness I wish I don't have for lifetime.
Maybe, it meant for me, or let's ask the universe why me? I want life, a decent one.
Every time they see me, I am a most fragile and valuable to be care. At least they can do is to act that I am a normal person, not a some kind of sickness.
I always envy kids out there, carefree and can do things they want.
Pazzie ?
Yes papa?
Where about to leave, in a minute. Make yourself ready.
Okay papa.
I looked at my window, where the playground can see in my spot — I want a friend too, to play outside, to meet new people, it just that papa won't allowed me to go near without a guard because of this illness, it hindered my happiness.
Homeschooling is worst. I don't have classmate to shared my snacks, opinions about the lesson and more. It is boring one.
Let's go Pazzie, the car is waiting for us.
okay papa.
I don't have energy to against my papa, I end up grounded or making the guards strict more for I am a stubborn daughter.
It always be "almost" I got outside world but ended up, catches by one of the guards. Sneaking to my room was lame, excusing myself is also lame.
All plans that I have to get away my body guards are failed. Maybe I should try my best more this time.
Bringing my mini bag, with a pair of pants and shoes with lousy shirt that comfortable to travel. I put my earphones and start listen some music, for this would be a long long journey I would face.
Oh I almost forgot my necklace.
I hurry go back to my room, which is I made myself run, and I stop — I can't breath for a second.
Breath in, breath out. I calm myself first before going inside, that stop me again for what I saw.
A picture of a man, and woman who genuinely love with a little child in center who are blessed to have a second life.
Pazzie! where are you! where going now.
I stop reminiscing when I heard papa, shouting. I hurry and wear my necklace. This time, I walk.
It is happening again, it's been long time since I felt that one. I didn't see that coming too.
I'm on my way papa, I shout.
Maybe, I must say — must go on for what I been through. Understand for what situation I'm into.
Maybe the universe would listen this time. Maybe I won't regret if the universe grant this wish for once.
taking the risk or not?
