Secrecy

Chapter 1: Unwanted News

Present day…

I was on the serene beach, letting my jet black hair fall like ink on the pure white grains of sand. My body was wet but the heat from the high noon sun blanketed me from the light sea breeze. I’m exhausted and battered but other than that I’m pretty good. I squinted up at the cotton candy clouds, watching them float silently across the blue heavens, as if they didn’t have a care in the world. Then I sat up and observed the waves hitting the shore endlessly. Big and small, every wave determined to grab the sand bit by bit.

I lay back down again and tried to comprehend everything in my life, or at least the part I remembered… Anyway, all in all there were two parts in my life. Just like the sea and sky there was work and play. One side is tough, harsh, and sometimes painful, while the other was soft, carefree, and sometimes peaceful. Stress and relief.Tears and smiles.Blah blahblah. “Get the job done” and “Go with the flow.” Maybe even war and peace… Ughh. I sound like a hippie.

But it’s true.

They were pure opposites coinciding with each other. The hard part is balancing the two to be truly happy. It’s like trying to separate the sea and sky with a single horizon line by hand. Yeah, that’s how hard it is. Too much work stress levels will skyrocket which will equal going mad. Mad as in pulling hair out, not mad as in angry… Or you’ll be boring. I’ve seen this stuff happen a lot… (Actually never but that’s not point!) Too much play and you might as well be a kid for the rest of your life. An adult baby… Uh, I’m glad I never seen that happen.

My life is one sided with the turbulent seas. There’s way too much stress but not enough to pull my hair out. Long lectures and debriefings that last for hours, criticisms, brutal training, so many doctor appointments fill my days. Not to mention the hatred. I don’t even have a name, for crying out loud. They only call me the secret weapon, she, her, or to make me really angry, it. Moving on with life…

I closed my eyes recollecting my thoughts, clearing my mind, and trying to make out what happened in the air vents but instead of remembering all my thoughts turned into black and white static images. I didn’t know what to think. I wasn’t dreaming because I could still smell the ocean spray, feel the tiny pieces of sand, and even hear the annoying seagulls yell loudly overhead. And no, I didn’t pinch myself to make sure. In fact, I couldn’t move or even open my eyes. It was like someone or something was holding me down but there was no pressure or any weight on me. I wanted to squirm, move, run anything but I couldn’t.

The images kept flickering.

Slowly the images improved. I saw less static and more defined shapes. Even though I was still aware of my surroundings, in my trance like state, the noise and my senses faded. “Great, I’m stuck in my head,” I said in my mind, “What else is in store?” Then out of nowhere I screamed or at least in my mind I did. An immense surge of pain rippled through my body. My lungs were on fire. My heart felt like it skipped a few beats. My head even wanted to explode into a bunch of gooey brain bits. More thoughts raced, each one bringing more pain. The pictures seemed to say, “Stop resisting and just watch.” So I hesitantly followed and just like that it was over. All the pain subsided into nothing.

I watched the pictures progressed more smoothly like a movie. The gray silhouettes were running. I still didn’t understand but another strike of pain said, “Shut up, will ya?” So I did. After the pain subsided once more, I heard something. No, it wasn’t waves, wind or even irritating seabirds. I stopped hearing that a long time ago, for the readers who already forgotten.

“Ahhhhh!”“Ahhhhhh!”“Ahhhhhhhhh!” Screams filled my head. Blood curdling, heart stopping screaming, straight from a horror movie. Their emotions filled my soul with such intensity I can’t even describe it. You know how a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, I felt everyone just by watching black and white film that’s the complete opposite of high- def.