The lost one {Snape x reader}

22. Self-worth

Your pov:

Professor Lupin went to tell me all these things about wolfsbane and the moon cycle.
Luckily for me today was only a weak fullmoon. But tomorrow I will have no chance against transforming.

I had a question laying on my tongue but I couldn't bring myself to ask it.
I looked at the professor walking besides me and overthougt it one more time.
'Oh fuck it!'

"Uhm so that you know all about my scars Sir. Could I ask how you got yours?"
Lupin looked down at me and his smile faded.
'Of course! I shouldn't have asked him!' I thought and scolded myself.

"That was dumm I'm sorry..." I tried to apologize but he just waved his hand.
"No it's okay. You're kind of right, in some point.
And now we share a scary secret"
I looked at him because he still hadn't answered my question.

"When the moon shines bright and you transform, the first thing coming to your mind will be to destroy everything around you.
And if there just isn't anything you start to destroy yourself."
Lupin walked a bit faster.

The realization hit me.
My stomach cramped with anxiety.
'Fuck' I whispered.
We arrived at the entrance of the Slytherin common room.

" Don't trouble yourself to much. You'll get through it " he said and pat my shoulder.
" Probably" I breathed.

I went to my bed as fast as I could. The bed felt uncomfortable and cold and even though I was terribly exhausted I just couldn't fall asleep.
Lupin didn't want to scare me but he certainly did.

With about 30 min of sleep I woke up by the sound of loud complaining coming from a roommate of mine.
"McGonagalls Tests are always so unnecessary hard!"

I was a bit grateful for the loudness. Else I would have overslept for sure.
The moment I stepped out of my bed my headache from yesterday came back. I just grunted and got myself ready.

The next days were pure horror. I only left my bed for class and barely eat anything.
Snape sent me some unfamiliar glances that I couldn't quite understand.
I'm scared he hates me now.

At least Lupin helped me and tried to be as understanding as possible. Professor McGonagall gives me a few odd looks as well. I have the feeling Dumbledore told her. She is the Vize headmaster and she is absolutely has the right to know that a werewolf is in the school now.
But I have a little bit hope left that she's uninformed.

The night started to get longer and the Temperatures fell drastically.
Before I realized it, whole Hogwarts was covered with snow.

We had one of our last Potions classes. I was really nervous. Snape started to lose up a little but it has never been like before, since I first transformed.

I was early as always. The anxiety I get when I'm not 5 mins early in class is insufferable.
The familiar tall shape of Snape floated through the door. He wasn't looking as annoyed as usual. Maybe he didn't have to teach Potter for a few day.

I hoped now everything was back to normal but Professor Snape didn't even waste an eye on me.
My shoulders sank in disappointment.
'Why even bother?'

This stupid Fenrir Greyback really ruined everything!
My focus faded and I thought of my parents.
They wrote me a letter some time ago. Apparently it's not safe for me to say with them on Summer vacation and I have to stay with my aunt in Ireland.

I'm not complaining. I like aunt Kelly but Mom and Dad didn't seem upset about it.
Nobody cares about me anymore.
Josi did, but she's gone now.

So why didn't I end myself right after Josi died?
"Maybe in todays potion class you all won't be a total disgrace" a raspy voice muttered.

Oh right.

====================================
Cliffhanger :O
Sorry for the slow updates but School is really keeping me busy.
So stay safe and healthy <3