Can You Blame me... COMPLETED!!!!!!

Funny How ......

I woke up to the beeping noise of the machine I was connected to, my head was going in circles, I sat up trying to remember what was happening. Quickly remembering everything i started to cry and feeling angry at myself.

Thinking this was all my damn fault. He died because of me, if only i had thought that everything was wrong. He would never do anything like that to hurt me. He knew i loved him and i knew as well and yet i did him wrong. My whole heart was in pain clearly i can never love anyone i always end up fucking up.

I cried for hours and it was now the afternoon. What day I didn't know I didn't have my phone with me. I knew it was the afternoon because the sun was going down. I felt nauseous but of course it's just because of the pregnancy. I wonder what they did with Yoongi. I didn't know what happened after they had a funeral or what I was frustrated about because there were some cops and they wouldn't let me out.....

I heard some mumbling. I clearly heard it to be Joon. he's going to kill me by running off like that ....

He entered the room and saw me connected to everywhere. He rushes to hug me, tears flowing down his cheeks, trying to calm down and tries to keep me down. I was still in shock. I could not believe that he was gone and i didnt even get to tell him......... I was in pain and so Joon Yoongi was like a brother to him and I could not bear to see him cry..... I stopped crying for some reason. I got strength to bring him to me and calm down. I hugged him as tight as I possibly could and ....

" it's going to be ok Joonie. He suffered too much already. I know you quote don't believe in God but trust me hw will take care of him i know and from above he will take care of us."

" sis you need to be strong. I just heard that you are pregnant. You need to be strong for both you and the baby... you can come home with me today...."

" joon what day is it?"

" it's thursday and you've been asleep for about two weeks now, you missed Yoongi's funeral and it was probably the best... i can take you to his grave when you are better also Lee hasn't left you he's been here since everything has happened and Yaya and i have been taking care of his baby... he's been here the whole time making sure you where alright if you had woken up, you scared the shit out of me Mel when i heard you were out trying to catch that hoseok dude i got hella worried.... The police called me and I grew in shock and I was taken here too. I woke up in a couple hours and then came here to see you back and forth checking on my baby and Yaya and it's just ugh " he was getting overheated and was beginning to hyperventilate again and was running out of breath...

" Joon, relax . I am fine now, ok, breath breath. I know that things from now on are going to be hard for us but we must move on.... " life goes on... and i have to be able to have you, Yaya, uncle Jin, and jimin ..."

" and me " a voice came from the door

" Lee, I am so glad to see you. "

" Likewise I am happy you're ok and I am glad you are awake and better, I was terribly worried about you," he said, coming up to my bed.

" i'll leave you two alone to talk" Joon got up and left.

" Lee, you did not have to be here the whole time..."

" umm no that is where you are wrong, there's something i have to tell you..... "

" what is it Lee? "

" that day that yoongi passed when you were out.... They made a final test with the electric shock and he woke up and was good for a couple of hours... and ....."

Tears started running down my cheeks thinking there could have been a chance to tell him I still loved him......

" and what Lee? WHAT HAPPENED?........ Don't leave out anything i gotta know "