We Can Solve For X ✔~ trixya

Chapter 26: A Difficult Day

Another month came and went.
Trixie had been playing weekly at the bar and was starting to slowly gain an audience.  Katya however had been drowning herself in her art project as it's deadline was growing near.
She loved the project, loved her idea and how it was looking, but the intensity of the subject matter was quickly becoming overwhelming, the claws of her old ways reaching for her as she cut together clips and edited photos. 

"Katya? You home?" Trixie asked as she locked herself in, having been given a spare key to the girl's appartment the week before. 

There was no reply, yet it was clear the girl had been filming for her project.
The living room had been turned into a movie set with things like empty bottles, fake pills, playing cars, and a metal syringe engraved with the words "ingest me" being strewn around on the floor. There was also a cigarette with the words "I don't need you anymore" written on it in black marker laying on the coffee table.

Suddenly Trixie heard soft sobbing noises coming from Katya's bedroom, the sound alerting her straight away. She walked over and gently opened the door, careful not to startle the crying woman. Inside she found Katya, sitting on the floor against the wall, her head down and her knees against her chest.

She looked so small, so vulnerable, so broken. Trixie couldn't remember ever seeing the strong woman like that before, and it was a truly hardbreaking sight.

"Katya? Honey, what's wrong?" The doll asked as she sat down next to the crying girl, her hand coming up to rub soothing circles on the woman's back.

"I...I don't know... It just became too much.. I wanted to- I mean, I almost could have.. I almost broke... I'm not like this, I was done with this, I swear, I'm not bad anymore.." Katya babbled in a panicked and broken tone, her entire body shaking with anxiety and self-loathing.

Trixie wrapped her arms around the girl, encapsulating her with warmth and love, as she felt a tear roll down her cheek at her girlfriend's words, realising that the girl meant that she had almost relapsed.

"Oh Katya..." The brown eyed girl said sadly, her heart not being able to take seeing the other woman in so much pain.

"Please don't leave me... I'll get better, I swear. I'm not like this.." The poor girl said, an endless stream of tears pouring from her ocean blue eyes.

"I would never leave you because of this. Never. Do you hear me?" The doll said strictly, pulling back from the hug to stare into the other girl's eyes, holding onto her shoulders as she conveyed her message.

"Really?" Katya asked softly, seeming so innocent and frail in that moment.

"Of course! Baby, it's okay. You had one bad day, or maybe even a bad week, but you've had hundreds of good days and hundreds of good weeks. You gotta stop being so hard on yourself." Trixie stated, taking the blue eyed girl's hands in her own before continuing.

"Listen, I don't know much about drug addiction... I mean, I've heard all of you talk about it at the meetings, but I know I can never truly understand.. But what I do know is that you are fighting every day, and that the need to fight doesn't really stop but only weakens with time. So honey, take your time, you've got time to grow and some day that urge will be so weak that you won't feel like you're staring down the barrel of a gun. You may have nearly relapsed today, but you didn't, and that is something you should be incredibly proud of. Remember what Mark told Tatianna when she almost broke. Everyone there including him was just proud of her for managing to resist, and you should be proud of the same today." She spoke honestly.  

Seconds later, Katya's arms were wrapped around Trixie, holding onto the doll as if she was her lifeline. They sat in comfortable silence, wrapped up in eachother's warmth as the blue eyed girl silently thanked whatever higher power there was that had sent someone like Trixie to her.

"You are... unreasonably caring... I can't believe people like you exist." Katya whispered.

So many people in Katya's life had left her because of the drug use, so much of the damage she'd done under the influence proving to be irreversible despite her getting clean. It didn't matter what she told them or how much she tried to explain, they could never look past it or give her time to improve and even the few who did, left as soon as the girl started to show signs of relapsing. She wasn't used to anyone whom she was really close with responding to her almost breaking in the way Trixie did.  

"It's not unreasonable at all, you deserve every bit of it. Things won't always make sense, things won't always be easy, and that's okay. If you can't make all the words rhyme one day then that's fine, no one needs to know. Not even me, unless you want me to." Trixie assured her.

Katya's lips found Trixie's, the girl letting all her emotions flow into it, before pulling back to tell the doll;

"You have no idea how special you are."