Having a counceling session after nearly relapsing felt tough, especially as Trixie couldn't be there. Trixie was away to compete in the William Lowell Putnam Mathematical Competition, which would take place the next day. Katya was proud of her, both for honoring her committment to her team and for her having started to find joy in it again. The doll was even aiming to win the Elizabeth Lowell Putnam Award which could only be won by female participants with a high score.
But no matter how proud Katya was of her girlfriend, it didn't change that she now had to attend a meeting all by herself again. It felt like years since she had walked in those doors without Trixie either by her side or already sitting in the circle, but there was no Barbie - doll there today.
"Katya, good to see you, grab a seat." Mark said as he spotted her walking in the door. She was a little late, having stood outside hesitantly for longer than she'd ever admit. Katya got herself a chair, settling down in the circle as a girl named Jaida finished her turn.
"Sorry I was late, it was a little tough to come in today." Katya told Mark as the other girl returned to her seat.
"Do you wanna talk about why that was?" The councelor asked.
The red lipped blonde hesitated for a moment, her nerves so extreme that she felt as if she was walking a tightrope, but then Trixie's song rang in her ears;
"No one said the words all have to rhyme, and if they do it's fine
And even if they don't, no one needs to know"
The lyrics calming her down as she realised that she was in full control of wether she wanted to share or not share, and also in full control of how much she shared.
"Yeah, I do actually... This week I.. I almost relapsed. I was working on my art project and it just got too much for me, I guess..." Katya explained.
"Too much in what way?"
"Well, I'm kind of filming with fake drugs and drug related stuff... you know like syringes, a broken meth pipe, empty pill bottles... that kind of stuff. I wanted to create something around how they no longer held on to me as tightly, and how much joy and excitement I have in my life now compared to what I used too.. But I guess even filming with fake stuff can trigger you.." The blonde explained, seeing only understanding and care in the eyes of the people around the room.
"Well, that in itself is an important lesson to learn, and something that can help you be more prepared in another situation. But the project also sounds very interesting Katya, and very brave. It takes a lot to present your addiction in such a raw way, and even if it became too much one day, it is likely that you'll get stronger just from working on this. Vulnerability is not failure, and temptation is not failure, however finding strenght and resisting temptation is a huge success. That means that you've done so much hard work to improve, so even if the battle isn't won for forever, it's a battle you know you can win." Mark told her in a warm and calm voice.
"Yeah.. yeah, I suppose that's true." Katya said, thinking his words over and letting it all sink in.
"Can I ask, you mentioned wanting to focus on how much joy and excitement you have in your life now compared to before, so what has brought that? What has changed?" Her councellor asked, a blush coating the blonde's cheeks straight away.
"Honestly? Trixie. She came into my life like a tidal wave and flipped it upside down. I wanna be clean when I'm around her, I wanna really experience what life is like with her. She's my anchor." Katya responded.
"She makes it better?" Mark asked, not an ounce of judgement in his tone.
"Yeah, I don't think addiction ever really stops, but yeah, she makes it better."
"I definitively think you should encorporate that in your art project..ⁿ I won't pretend to know art so I don't know how it would be evaluated. But I'm sure that if you do accept for yourself that your wish to use doesn't truly stop, but that there are people around you who make it better just by being around you, that the scenes that feel heavy won't hold as much power over you. And remember, it is okay if it gets too much. I hope it felt good to share a little, I know you're often apprehensive about talking in these sessions." The man said.
"It felt really good actually, thank you." Katya replied as the focus changed to a new person, her conversation with Mark circling her mind, her own words coming up again and again;
"I don't think addiction ever really stops, but yeah, she makes it better."
When she returned home that night, she cut together the rest of the video, making a last minute decision to add different audio towards the end before she sent the project in for evalution, despite the gallery viewing of all the projects not being until Sunday.
In bold letters on the first page of the paper she wrote;
It Doesn't Stop, But She Makes It Better
by Katya Zamolodchikova
YOU ARE READING
We Can Solve For X ✔~ trixya
Fanfiction"Oh, we have a newcomer. What's your name, sweetie?" The counselor asked the girl. "Hey everyone, I'm Trixie Mattel." The girl told them, speaking in a far more confident tone than the blue eyed girl had expected her to. "Do you want to tell everyo...
