Chupa-Chup

Sexuality Fears

Yo's heart pounded as he felt Pha slide into the bed next to him. He hoped Pha couldn't feel his pulse. That would've given his awareness away. Yo felt kind of bad for the guy, since Ming had basically showed him no mercy with his words. But Ming had been right. Yo wasn't gay or bi, and he wasn't interested in guys like that. He didn't really have an explanation for what had occurred between himself and Pha tonight, but...it hadn't led to feelings on his part.

Was it an experiment? No...Yo knew enough that it wasn't him merely trying something new. Yo was so lonely. Sure, he had Ming and Kit, and even the girls sometimes. But he didn't have someone for his own, a partner to lean on and give comfort to, someone he could love for his whole life.

Unfortunately, even after what he'd shared with the guy...Pha wasn't the one for him.

Yo lay perfectly still until Pha's breathing became even and deep, his hold on the smaller guy loosening enough for Yo to be able to slip free. He hurriedly dressed, barely making it out the door since he wasn't quite sober yet, and made his way down the stairs. He had no idea what time it was since his phone had died sometime while he was passed out, but he knew it had to be the early hours before dawn since the partygoers were all gone.

He placed his hand on the doorknob-

"Where are you going?"

Yo cringed. I was so close to freedom! "Hi, P'Kit," he kept his voice soft, hoping Kit didn't notice Yo was still a bit buzzed.

"Don't you 'hi, P'Kit' me, Yo," Kit's arms were folded, his eyes sharp and missing nothing. "Ming is asleep. How are you gonna get home?"

"He spent the night again?" Yo muttered to himself.

Kit's expectant stare brought him out of his thoughts.

Yo dropped his gaze. "Look...I-I can't stay...I don't wanna hurt him, but..." Yo shrugged. "I don't like him that way, P'Kit. What do you want me to do?"

Kit stayed silent. He waited for Yo to finish talking.

"I mean, I can't just force myself to start liking him like a potential boyfriend. I still like P...never mind. The fact is," Yo scratched his arm nervously. "There's a girl I like, and I'm trying to build up the courage to ask her out. And I don't want you to think I'm leading P'Phana on when that's the furthest thought from my mind. That's why I have to leave now, before he wakes up."

"Yeah. You're taking the coward's way out," Kit said flatly. He sighed in resignation at Yo's little flinch. "Don't look like that. Come on," he snatched his keys off the hooks next to the door. "I'll take you home. But please, talk to Pha face to face, hm? He needs to hear it from you, not just realize it on his own after waking up alone and not hearing from you after."

Yo nodded miserably, following Kit out the door.

XXX

Ming stayed hidden in the shadows, sitting at the top of the stairs as Kit and Yo left the house. He knew Yo wouldn't stay. Yo wasn't the type to consider more than the "normal" love. He was stubborn in his ideas and thoughts, never varying, never changing.

Ming hadn't really been trying to hurt Pha. He just wanted the guy to know what he was up against. Yo didn't look at guys like that, as boyfriend material. He'd always liked girls.

"You heard him, didn't you," Ming said softly. He didn't need to turn around to know that Pha was standing there, listening as well.

Pha was silent for a moment. "He was hesitant."

"Yeah."

"Because...he didn't want to hurt my feelings...or he did feel something and he's just too dense to realize it."